Boulevard of Broken Dreams
by truthseeker97
Summary: Casey's parents are dead. Glee club have no clue what she is going through, but with the help of the director, Mr Schuester, can her life turn around and become better? Some things can be triggering! Self harm. Eating disorders. Suicide. Triggers get quite graphic. OC.
1. Preface

**Author's note- I wrote this down absolutely ages ago, but that was when I didn't have a fanfiction account. So now I have decided to type it up and upload it, I hope you like. This may be triggering for some people. Reviews are greatly appreciated!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Glee or any of the characters. I do own my computer, my coffee and my OC character Casey.**

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Preface

I awoke to an empty house. Not an unusual thing for me. After around six months I have seemed to develop a routine of sorts: I wake up, get ready for school, go to school and work, come home, maybe eat and sleep. It seems easy; but it's not. You see, my parents died six months ago during a fatal car collision. I was at home at the time- so I only found out when these random people knocked on my door. They wanted to put me in a children's home-because I have no family- but I lied. I always did make a good liar; I got an old friend of mine to pose as my long lost family. He signed some papers and they bought it. My friend moved away though, so I'm on my own. But I have plenty of money, we were rather rich, and therefore my parents left behind a nice sum of cash to my name.

But I hate myself; everything about myself. I hate how fat I am, although people call me skinny, and I just hate myself. I hate how my parents died, and I was left behind- forgotten. I sat up in bed as a lone tear trickled down my cheek. I really couldn't do this; carry on every day as though nothing was wrong. No-one – not even the teachers- know that my parents are dead. So now I have to go on every day with a big smile on my face, I have to look happy when all I really want to do is to die.

My school, William McKinley, is okay; most students just ignore me or give me odd looks. The only highlight of my day is Glee club. I'm into that, singing and dancing; I joined just before my parents died, and it's one of the few things that keeps me going. I get along well with everyone there, especially Kurt and Blaine and Rachel. And I really like Mr Schuester; he is a brilliant singer, dancer and teacher. We get along pretty well for student and teacher- not in the weird way, but in the friendly way. He often asks if I'm alright, he notices more than anyone else does, and he notices how quiet I am sometimes. To be honest, I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing, because one day it may get me into trouble I don't want.

Still crying, I walk to the bathroom. I attempt to wipe the tears away, but they refuse to leave. Carefully, I roll up my sleeves. Just one more, I promise myself as I add to the red lines that already scatter my wrists. It's a promise that keeps getting broken.

But it's the only thing keeping me sane.

**Author's note- Love it? Hate it?**


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's note- I got this chappie up fairly quick. Please enjoy. Oh and I should mention that for the purpose of this fic, some things may be incorrect, and alot of what happened in the TV series isn't accounted for in this. Also, I may use alot of British terms in this so please excuse that.**

**Disclaimer- I own nada. I haven't even got my coffee this time to own :( **

**Chapter 1**

Damn! I mentally yelled to myself after five minutes. So much for just one. Numerous fresh red lines glared up at me from my arm and wrist, they had only just stopped bleeding. I would have to be even more care than usual to hide these. Glancing at the clock, I noted that morning Glee club didn't start for an hour- so I went off to get changed. I wore my usual black jeans, and a t-shirt and a baseball jacket on top. The long sleeves easily covered my arms; however the weather was against me today as it was rather warm and sunny. It would mean that wearing a jacket would look suspicious, but I would have to take that chance; I could wear bracelets- but they aren't as reliable as long sleeved jackets. Sighing heavily, I pulled on my black converses and grabbed my phone and keys.

William McKinley high was only a ten or fifteen minute walk from my house, which meant that this morning I was inevitably early; which was a little unusual for me but not unheard of. To be honest, I was actually never late; I just wasn't always the first to arrive (unlike a certain Miss Rachel Berry.) As I approached the car park I realised that there was only one car parked there; a blue worn out one. I knew that car was Mr Schuester's, so maybe I wouldn't have to be on my own for ages. Walking the deserted halls of McKinley was both eerie and relaxing. At least I didn't have to put up with being slammed into lockers by those good for nothing jocks.

I came up to the choir room and instantly noticed Mr Schue sitting at the piano. Walking in, I greeted him:

"Morning sir." I walked over to where he was sitting. He looked up in surprise,

"Oh hey Casey. Didn't expect to see you for a bit- rather early aren't you?" he grinned.

"Is there anything wrong with being early?" I shot back at him with a smile. He laughed.

"Absolutely not, come here, I need help with a number... I'm not sure what the routine we're beginning to learn will go best with..." Mr Schuester trailed off as he showed me a list of songs. We started learning a fairly fast paced dance the other day only to find that Schuester had no clue what song to put it to. I skimmed over the small list of songs; half of them wouldn't go too well... in fact all of them wouldn't go well. I grinned to myself- Rachel would be appalled by his lack of good choices. Taking matters into my own hands- as I wanted Glee to win this year- I decided to say what I thought would go:

"I know it's not on the list, but how about Born this way by Lady Gaga?" The dance was more for girls (Kurt included) but in good humour, the rest of the boys decided to have a laugh and do it too. This turned out to be extremely funny as certain moves were very feminine!

"I hadn't even thought of that!" Mr Schue exclaimed- now very excited, "Brilliant, thanks Casey, I think that would work really well."

"Anytime." I murmured as I walked over to a chair and put my bag on it. I turned around to walk back to my teacher, only to find he was looking at me. He looked confused and his brow was furrowed in a frown. Becoming self conscious, I shifted uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

"Aren't you hot?" he suddenly blurted out as he eyed my jacket. Dammit. Thinking on my feet was never easy for me, but I just simply said:

"I'm not really that hot actually." Oh wait to go me, what a pathetic lie, "I don't feel the warmth too well." Okay, so my lie wasn't too bad, it just wasn't too convincing.

"Maybe if you had a bit more fat on you, you wouldn't be that cold," he said. It was meant to be a joke. To him, maybe it was, but to me it stung. I narrowed my eyes and unconsciously pulled my sleeves down a little. He didn't miss this miniscule action and his eyes instantly clouded over with concern.

He knew something was up. Luckily he didn't know what, but he knew something was wrong; however he decided not to say anything. Instead, he stood up and collected his sheet music and placed it on the desk in his office- which was situated to the side of the choir room. It was a decent sized office with blinds, so that he had privacy- otherwise if someone was in the choir room they could see in. He immediately returned and sat down by the piano again. After a brief pause- in which I walked over to the piano- he looked up to me and said:

"If you ever need to talk, I'm here." What he said was so sudden, yet so genuine, it made me want to break down and cry. It made me want to pour my heart out and tell him all of my problems, to tell him everything I was going through. But I couldn't; obviously. He would think differently of me then, he would see me differently. Maybe he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me; maybe he would kick me out of Glee club. And I couldn't let that happen. So I had to keep everything in, I had to smile through the emotional pain.

"Thank you." I murmured.

**Author's note- please review. Did you like it? Dislike it?**


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's note- Thank you to my super awesome reviewer Linneagb! It means alot that you like my story and you made me update quicker than I was planning to.**

**Disclaimer- I don't know if I still have to do this, but hey-ho! I own nothing apart from Casey, and yes you guessed it- I have my coffee this time! **

**Chapter 2**

Thankfully it wasn't too long until the choir room was slowly getting filled by the teenagers that make up Glee club. Kurt was as hyper as ever, talking about the latest vogue magazine, whereas Finn was spending his time yawning like he hadn't slept for days. Puck came to sit next to me and casually draped his arm over my shoulders. "How's my Casey today?" he asked, giving me a seductive grin.

"Your Casey?" I raised my eyebrow at him, "I am good thanks, and how is my Puck?"

"Your Puck is good." He murmured to me before turning around and winking at Quinn.

"Alright then guys!" Mr Schue said clapping his hands together as he stood up front. "I would love to hear your assignments that I set you last week, so how about we get the hat out?" Our teacher ignored the unenthusiastic groans from everyone other than Rachel and got his famous hat out. We all knew our names were written on pieces of paper inside it, and yet, we hoped that somehow we would escape our fate. The hat of doom in question was placed on the piano by our over excited teacher. He reached in and we waited with bated breath as he pulled the paper out. As if he wanted to annoy us even further- Mr Schuester took a long pause before finally announcing:

"Casey! You're up!"

It had to be me didn't it?

I stood up, ready to accept my fate; I walked over to stand beside Mr Schue.

"Okay then Casey, what will you be singing for us?" he asked. Our assignment was to prepare a song to perform that kind of stood for where we are in our lives. I chose a Green Day song.

"Boulevard of Broken Dreams." I told him. He nodded, smiling before sitting down. The music started:

"I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But It's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of broken dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Till then I walk alone

Ah-ah Ah-ah Ah-ah Aaah-ah  
Ah-ah Ah-ah Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line of the edge  
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines  
What's fucked up and everything's all right  
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive  
And I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Till then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Aaah-Ah  
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

I walk alone  
I walk a...

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of broken dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Till then I walk alone"

I finished the song to a rapturous round of applause. They like it, at least I could do something right.

"Excellent Casey! That was brilliant." Mr Schuester gushed as he walked back up to the front to meet me. "So can you tell us why you chose that song in particular?"

"I'll let you think what you want about that." I replied quickly. I wasn't actually going to tell them the reason why I chose it was because I literally am alone and it's a dark song.

"Fair enough." Thank god Mr Schue didn't make me say why, I thought, at least that's one stroke of luck.

We continued for another forty five minutes- listening to everyone else's performances and chatting about them. It was nice- relaxing. But I was getting hot- really hot; and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. So maybe I did bring it on myself, but I can't help that my body temperature won't cool down. Everyone else in the room was wearing t-shirts without any jumpers or cardigans; which meant that I stuck out like a sore thumb. Unfortunately, the others noticed my clothing.

"Aren't you roasting?" Blaine asked me.

"No, not really." I muttered.

"But your cheeks are red." Brittany stated.

"Oh well."

"Here let me undress you." Puck shifted to face me with a cheeky smirk on his face. Why did this have to happen to me? I cursed myself for being so stupid, and once again, I found myself wanting to die. I deserved it, I hated myself. Puck reached out for my jacket, but I was too quick for him and I easily jumped up- avoiding his hands.

"Whassup?" He frowned.

"Nothing." I am the most unconvincing person alive. Puck reached out again- this time grabbing my jacket, I struggled under his grip. Adrenaline coursed through my veins and my heart beat faster than usual at how close I was to being found out- for my secret to be unveiled. My behaviour must have looked strange to everyone who was in the room, and it certainly didn't go unnoticed by Mr Schuester.

"Leave me alone!" I suddenly yelled at him as he continued trying to take my jacket off. I surprised even myself by shouting- I never shout, and I think I shocked everyone else. However, it did the trick as Puck stopped his actions. He looked hurt and confused and I instantly felt horrible.

"Hey it was only a joke," he said. He grabbed my wrist in what he thought was a comforting gesture; I hissed in pain. Puck had unknowingly just touched a fresh cut and it stung like hell. Mr Schuester frowned in worry.

"Casey. Are you alright?" Mr Schue asked.

"Fine." I said.

"Puck didn't mean to upset you," he told me, trying to keep his voice fairly neutral- even though the worry was clearly coming through.

"I... I know, I just don't feel well." I lied. Before anyone else had a chance to say anything, I grabbed my bag and headed out of the room. I heard Mr Schue call my name, but they let me go; for that I was thankful. I headed straight to the girls bathroom and locked myself in a cubicle.

I sat on the floor and just broke down. Tears streamed down my face as I scratched angrily at my arms. It had been too close this morning. Far too close. I would be glad for the day to end.

**Author's note- personally, I don't think this chapter was as good as the last, but please let me know your views! I have the next chapter planned in my head, but I'm not sure how quickly I'll be able to get it up. Thanks for reading guys!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's note- For me I got this one up fairly quickly. The teachers at my school have decided to give us a load of homework, so I'm not sure how much energy I will actually have to update regularly, I will probably do it at least once a week or so. Roughly. Thanks go to my awesome reviewer, and to those who favourite and followed my story, it really means alot!**

**Disclaimer- if I owned all this awesome stuff do you really think I would be sat here typing fanfiction and drinking a hot cup of coffee? No should be the answer, and therefore I own nothing except my original character Casey Wilde.**

**Chapter 3**

I stayed in the girl's toilets for what felt like forever. No one came to find me, which was just as well because I was in a right state. However I knew full well that I had to clean up and go to lessons, after all, students were now flocking the hallways of McKinley and it would look suspicious if I just disappeared. For a moment I was silent, checking to see if anyone was in here- but the sound of nothing filled my ears. Deciding it was safe; I opened the toilet door and came face to face with a mirror.

The person staring back wasn't me. Her eyes were red and puffy from where she had been crying, and her eyes were dull- no sign of life in them. The girls' hair was a mess and she looked exhausted. But she was thin; thin from starving herself to perfection. I didn't have an eating disorder, no way; I only skipped the odd meal- nothing serious. Before I went to class, I raked through my hair with a brush and dabbed my swollen eyes with a tissue. I looked at least slightly presentable. Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself. Glee wasn't on until tomorrow- and I could avoid them today, and I will do my damned hardest to stay away from them. But my heart sank with the realisation that I had Mr Schuester for Spanish today; fifth period to be precise, so I had him last. He wouldn't forget what had happened, and for me that was a worry, he could quite effortlessly call me back after class and there wouldn't be anything I could do about it. In all honesty, I was screwed.

I made it through the first two periods without seeing anyone from Glee, which was another stroke of luck on this luckless day. Break time came and I stayed in the parking lot, away from where the Glee kids usually hang out- which tended to be the choir room or the canteen. But after break we had another two periods, the first one flew by, but the next I was dreading. As soon as the bell went I pretty much ran to fourth period English, that way I could get in the room, sit down, get my stuff out and avoid Mercedes, Kurt and Puck. Puck was the one who I was most worried about, but I was praying to God that I could somehow get through this lesson and run off to somewhere private for lunch.

Luckily I was the first there- stage one of my plan complete, I thought to myself as I sat down and got my pen and book out. A minute or so later, everyone else trailed into the classroom, half of them looking like zombies and rather unhappy to be having to work. Mercedes, Puck and Kurt all walked in together and promptly sat down in the desks in front of me, to the side of me and behind me. Great. I internally groaned as I realised that I was completely trapped, fate was against me today.

The lesson started and I attempted to focus of what the teacher was saying, occasionally I caught the Glee kids giving each other these looks- the kind that meant, "Talk to her," or "You start." Eventually Puck slowly turned around in his seat to face me,

"Look Casey, I'm sorry okay? I don't know what I've done, but it upset you and I'm sorry." He whispered honestly.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." I muttered.

"Are you coming to Glee tonight?" Mercedes asked from the side of me.

"Probably not, I forgot we had it tonight. I'll tell Mr Schue I can't make it after lunch." I said. Okay, for me that was a good lie, and they bought it as well! Go me! To tell the truth, I knew full well it was on tonight, I just didn't fancy facing the group again today. We were silent for a moment, but a brilliant thought struck me; I could spy on them. I wanted to see whether they would say anything about this morning or anything about me, I had to keep my guard up so this would forewarn me if they knew anything or had assumptions.

From the corner of my eye I noticed Mercedes mouth 'what?' to Kurt- who was sitting behind me. I then noticed a small piece of paper being passes to her, without being obvious- and using my ninja skills- I glanced over to where it lay on Mercedes' desk. The elegant calligraphy read:

"Something is up with Casey. I can feel it; talk in Glee."

Shit. What did Kurt think? Trying to control my breathing, I stared up at the clock on the wall, it was time for lunch. I let out a sigh of relief as the bell went; in record time I packed up my things and bolted out of the door; leaving the Glee kids staring after me. I ran out into the car park and behind a rarely used dumpster, I sat on the ground. Tears cascaded down my cheeks as I realised just how close everything had been today to revealing my secret. I must have some sort of curse on me; I'm just a useless screw up.

With shaking hands, I reached into my bag and pulled out a small box. This wasn't something I did in school- but if I was to survive the day, I had to do it. I opened it and took out a small, but sharp blade. Pausing my actions, I noted that it was still quiet, and I slowly rolled my sleeve up. Each tear dripped into the grass where they shone slightly before disappearing, I hated myself, my life. It was rather disgraceful how this was the only thing that could save me.

I put the blade to my skin, and with immense precision, carved the word 'Worthless' in a small, messy calligraphy on my forearm. The word glared up at me in a bright red ink; I put the blade away in its safe box. For the rest of lunch I stayed there, watching the red blood slowly come to the surface and run down my arm. The bell startled me out of my stupor, I had Mr Schuester for Spanish next and this wasn't looking good. I couldn't bunk off, because that would raise his suspicions even higher- especially after this morning- and I didn't have time to clean my arm and risk getting caught. These were the times that I wish I could just crawl into a hole and die. I had to be in class now; I made up my mind and decided to just go for it. Walking through the bustling corridors I came to my Spanish classroom- most people were already there and they all looked up at me as I walked in, including: Finn, Rachel, Mercedes and Quinn. Mr Schuester watched me as I shut the door behind me.

"Sorry I'm late sir." I said to him in my best apologetic voice.

"It's fine, take your seat." He said while smiling warmly at me.

This would be an eventful afternoon.


	5. Chapter 4

**Author's note- I profoundly apologize for not updating this, I lost heart in it for a while but have decided to carry on. Thank you to those who have favourite, followed and reviewed my story. Here we go eh?**

**Disclaimer- by now you should know I own nothing. If not... well please, where have you been while I have been telling you this? I do have my coffee though...**

Chapter 4

For the whole lesson I kept my head down, did my work, and avoided the gazes from my fellow glee clubbers. On the odd occasion I answered a question to not raise too much suspicion, but other than that I just wished the time away. I was fully aware that Mr Schuester kept giving me concerned looks throughout the lesson, but I ignored him, it was bad enough that I had to make up a pathetic excuse to him why I couldn't attend glee tonight let alone raise his already high suspicions even higher. Urgh, it was a right mess. Just like my whole life. After what seemed like a lifetime, the bell rang signalling home time. Fabulous, I thought sarcastically to myself; I have a fun filled evening of spying, not eating, cleaning up my arm and crying. I packed away my stuff slowly, letting everyone file eagerly out of the room, I could see that Rachel, Quinn, Finn and Mercedes wanted to talk to me, but they obviously decided to leave me alone. Another stroke of luck. Once I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder, I waited until the guys from glee had gone before I walked up to Mr Schue's desk.

"Hey sir," I greeted him as I stopped a normal distance from his desk.

"Hey Casey," He smiled at me before standing up. My teacher walked over to the desk at the front and leaned against it as he looked at me; I turned to look at him. "Are you okay? You didn't seem right all through Spanish."

"Yeah I'm fine," I brushed his question aside, "I just wanted to tell you that I can't make it to Glee tonight."

"Really? Why?" Mr Schuester asked frowning. Why did I always have to think on my feet?

"Umm, well it kind of slipped my mind that we had it tonight," I said. Oh wait to go Casey that is the most pathetic yet, "I already have stuff to do tonight." My lies get worse, "My family wants to go out." That lie stung me, but it would hopefully do the trick- no-one in glee has ever heard me talk about my family so this might work, "I'm sorry," I added for effect.

"Oh okay," Mr Schue said surprise at the mention of my 'family.' At least it did the trick, "got anything nice planned?" Why did he have to carry this on? I internally groaned.

"They wanted to go out someplace to eat, usually I wouldn't miss glee, but we hardly ever do this so..." I trailed off and shrugged. Wow, for me that wasn't a bad lie.

"No that's absolutely fine." He said smiling, "I hope you have a nice time."

"Thanks,"

"But there was something I wanted to ask you." Shit.

"Oh? What's that then?" I said slightly worried.

"It's about earlier..." I just hummed in response. He sighed and carried on, "What really happened Casey? You know he didn't mean it."

"I know, I just... I don't really know... I wasn't feeling too well." I said slowly.

"Maybe you should eat more," He said gently.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped.

"You're very thin," he said simply. Inside I was fuming; don't call a fat pig like me thin. Deciding to completely ignore him rather than yell at him, I remained quiet. So he sighed and continued, "And when he grabbed your wrist you looked like you were in pain."

"He grabbed my wrist a little tight." I muttered.

"No he didn't," Mr Schuester said quietly, "He grabbed you gently, anyone could see that... Casey what's really going on?"

"Nothing."

"Casey, I know full well something very serious is going on. You just have to tell me, I can help you," I looked into his eyes and saw that they were full of worry, I shook my head:

"I'm fine, look I have to go."

"Casey..."

"I'll see you in glee club tomorrow morning," I said pointedly. He sighed heavily in defeat and nodded a yes at me. With that I walked out of the room.

For about fifteen minutes I stayed in the parking lot until most students had left the school, by now everyone should have arrived in Glee club, including Mr Schuester. So, very carefully, I sneaked my way through the halls of McKinley. Using my ninja skills to check to see if the coast was clear; it was another piece of luck that I encountered no-one- the halls were deserted. I slowed down a little when I came close to the choir room; I got in a position so that no-one could see me but I could hear everything that was said, and so that I could easily make a run for it. The doors were open now that it was after school; no-one would be disturbed now so they didn't have to worry about closing them. From where I stood, I crouched down into a more comfortable position. At the moment all I could hear was idle chit-chat, nothing about me yet. I knew that everyone was in there, including Mr Schuester because I heard him say:

"Alright guys! How is everyone?" He was hit with mumbled replies of good and okay, and a fantastic from Rachel. Without missing a beat I could hear Santana ask:

"Where is emo kid?" I bit my lip to keep from screaming. Emo kid? What the hell is up with that? So I was stereotyped, I guess that shouldn't really have surprised me, after all, everyone gets stereotyped in this school. I also shouldn't really be surprised at the emo stereotype, however we don't really have any other 'emo' kids at McKinley, my hair is a very dark brown – it almost looks black so I can see part of Santana's idea behind calling me that. But it still made me scared, unfortunately people wrongly associate emo's with self-harm, but how could she know? It's impossible. I took a deep breath and carried on listening.

"Emo kid? Really Santana?" Quinn said.

"Isn't emo some kind of bird?" Brittany asked innocently, "I don't think Casey is a bird..."

"You're thinking of emu Brittany," Rachel sighed. "And should we really be stereotyping people in glee?"

"Who cares?" Santana groaned annoyed, "Might as well, everyone else gets grouped. Why not emo kid?"

"Her name's Casey, Santana," Mr Schue reminded her with an angry tone to his usually calm voice.

"Alright alright! So Casey then has black hair and is in general a little... I dunno strange?" I could hear the frown in her voice.

"She isn't strange." Puck countered.

"Well with the way she acted earlier I think she is."

"Yeah what was going on earlier?" Blaine asked.

"None of us know," Mercedes said sadly. "She just doesn't seem right. She's really thin as well."

"She's thinner than me," Quinn said, "That can't be healthy..."

"What so she has like, anorexia?" Puck queried. I rolled my eyes, I was fat; how could I possibly have an eating disorder?

"Maybe," Blaine said, "But that doesn't explain why she was acting like that with Puck earlier."

"Did you grab her hard Puck?" Mercedes questioned.

"No, I didn't," Puck replied confused.

"Do you think she could've hurt her wrist?" Blaine offered.

"How though?" Kurt said.

"I don't know. I don't think anyone does..." Mercedes sighed.

"Well she is an emo right?" Santana said pointedly. I closed my eyes, no!

"And?" Mercedes said sounded annoyed.

"What do emo's do?" Santana said making it sound so obvious, after a pause of silence she groaned and carried on, "They cut themselves don't they!"

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I bit my hand hard to stop myself from crying, and screaming and punching a wall.

"That's enough Santana!" Mr Schuester said loudly. He paused before saying to the whole class, "It's not right to stereotype emo's like that, and it's unfair to call Casey an emo. So stop with the entire grouping okay? I'm not having it. As for what's going on with Casey, I don't know what's going on, and nor does anyone else, but I'm not having you calling her that to her face or asking her whether she... cuts herself. If she does then that doesn't change who she is, she would still be a lovely person and no-one should think any differently of her if that is the case. Do I make myself clear?"

Everyone replied with 'yes Mr Schue,' including Santana. They sounded slightly ashamed and sad but said nothing more on the matter.

I sat there crying. What Mr Schuester just said touched me, I just wanted to wait until everyone had gone and talk to him. Tell him everything, talk for hours. But I couldn't, I was too much of a coward, I still thought that they would clearly hate me or call me names. So instead, I took a very deep breath and stood up. I shouldered my bag and walked home. That night, I didn't eat anything, I didn't even sleep, I just lay awake thinking, and made a few more cuts.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's note- Thank you to those who have reviewed, favourited and followed my story. It means alot to know that you all like it! Once again I will do my best to get these chapters up more quickly; hopefully school won't hinder me too much, but I got this chapter up the day after my other chapter so go me! I also updated my Destination Truth fanfiction yesterday so I'm doing quite well; however it is the weekend and I have nothing else to do... Also, if you review I will try to reply to you. Thanks again readers!**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing except my computer, my imagination and Casey. So you cannot sue me; tough luck.**

Chapter 5

Morning came and I was still awake, I bet I looked awful, but I couldn't sleep last night. Too many thoughts were rushing through my mind- keeping me awake with their taunting words. Maybe I'm already dead and I'm living in hell right now; I laughed at the thought. My mp3 was on shuffle right now and it came to a My Chemical Romance song; I smiled and sang along to the chorus:

"I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone. Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven, nothing you can say can stop me going home..." Those lyrics to Famous Last Words meant alot to me; the song has gotten me through some bad times. But even now it couldn't make me feel the least bit happy. All I wanted to do was die; I didn't want to be here anymore. There's nothing left for me- no hope, no family, and no happiness. In all honesty I had given up; and the freedom that can come with death seemed very appealing right now. Glancing at the clock I noted with wide eyes that it was just fifteen minutes until Glee started. I groaned as I stood up, feeling the blood rush to my head, I swayed a little. After waiting a moment, I decided it was safe to take a step, I immediately regretted it as I fell down to the floor. Shit. Once again I stood up and carefully took small steps to the bathroom. Leaning against the sink for support, I looked at myself in the mirror. A bad idea it was because I looked like utter crap- I'm surprised the mirror didn't shatter right there and then. Dark bruises were under my eyes and were a huge contrast against my pale skin, I looked exhausted. Shaking my head, I continued with my morning routine. I brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, had a wash and then stumbled back into my bedroom to get changed. My head span and I growled in frustration. I knew what had brought this on- the fact that I hadn't eaten in three days (apart from drinking water and diet coke and coffee.) Not much I could do now, I thought, I will just have to grin and bear it.

I wore my usual black skinny jeans, held up with a studded belt, a Green Day top with the American Idiot CD logo on it, and then a black jacket on top; ever such bright clothing. After noting that I only had five minutes until Glee, I shouldered my bag, grabbed my keys and phone and pretty much ran out of the door! By the time I had reached McKinley, I was five minutes late- hopefully Mr Schue wouldn't be too bothered though. I pulled my sleeves down, I cleaned up my arm yesterday but the cuts were red and angry; so I was careful – as always. I walked through the open choir room door to be met by everyone staring at me; that usually happens when you are late- everyone staring at you as though you have just gone on a murder spree.

"Sorry I'm late, didn't realise the time..." I said to Mr Schuester- at least I finally told him the truth.

"That's okay Casey, take a seat." He said, "Okay then guys, how about we go over the choreography?" I internally groaned in horror, what with my dizziness at the moment I was almost sure I would fall flat on my face. Great. But nonetheless, we all stood up and took our places. I swayed a little again and closed my eyes, trying to use my willpower to push away the dizzy feeling. Of course it didn't work though. Music suddenly sounded throughout the room and I heard Mr Schue shout: "5, 6, 7, 8!" We all began dancing in time to the music- perfectly remembering each little move. The dizziness increased, and I found myself fighting to keep standing up. As the music finished I felt myself falling and hit the floor hard with a muted "Oof." I could hear people rush over to me:

"Casey are you okay?"

"What happened? Are you alright?"

"Can you hear us?"

I then felt a warm hand touch my cheek. "Casey are you with me?" I heard Mr Schuester ask. I squeezed my eyes shut even harder as the feeling increase. I mumbled what sounded like a:

"Hmmm." But it came out sounding painful. I had landed on my arm rather badly and it had caused some friction against my wrist, luckily though I couldn't feel it bleeding. Slowly I opened my eyes as the dizzy feeling began to subside; I was lying on my side in a rather uncomfortable position, I looked up slightly into Mr Schue's worried eyes.

"How are you feeling?" He asked gently.

"Fine," I muttered as I carefully sat up. As I came to realise that the whole Glee club were standing around me, I groaned in embarrassment.

"You fell pretty bad..." Puck told me.

"I didn't fall," I retorted, "I was testing gravity." They sniggered, and rolled their eyes in amusement.

"Can you stand?" My teacher asked. Instead of answering I tentatively came to stand on my feet, I blinked away the dizzy feeling and watched Mr Schue stand out of his crouching position.

"How long have you felt dizzy for?" He asked.

"Since this morning," I said.

"Have you eaten?"

"Not today," another lie.

"What about yesterday?"

"I ate," what a fabulous lie.

"You sure?"

"Yes," I huffed at him, getting frustrated. As much as I love him he really knows how to push me.

"Okay," he finally said. He turned to the rest of Glee club, "You guys can go, and lessons start soon, so I'll see you tonight." I sighed happily; no-one said anything to me so far- nothing about what they discussed yesterday. That was a good thing. I went to get my bag and was just about to head out of the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched at the sudden contact and turned around to see Mr Schuester standing there. He didn't miss me flinching, dammit, and he still looked worried. I swear his eyes were permanently concerned- looking.

"Do you think I can have a word with you in my office please Casey?" He asked softly.

Oh shit. I thought to myself. I felt the colour literally drain from my face and I struggled to control my breathing- my anxiety was beginning to creep up on me.

"Urgh... sure..." I said slowly, trying not to let the panic seep into my voice. He smiled gently at me and led me to his ensuite office.

There was one thing I was certain about – this couldn't be good.


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's note- Hey fellow fanfictioners! I do hope you enjoy this next chapter that I almost couldn't be bothered to write because I'm ridiculously tired yet feeling creative. Anyways, hopefully you will enjoy. Ah, I should probably mention that I do not advertise SH as a good thing, this is a work of fiction, and although I don't judge anyone struggling through it, I am not 'pro-SH'- thought I'd mention that in case I got any hate...**

**Disclaimer- you all know by now that I own nothing, so let's just get on with the show eh?**

Chapter 6

I found myself sitting opposite him on a comfortable leather style chair, Mr Schuester had been quiet for a minute, he seemed unsure of what to say. He rested his elbows on his desk as he finally raised his eyes to look at me:

"What's going on Casey?" he asked me with a hint of sadness in his gentle tone.

"Nothing," I replied automatically. He sighed slightly and continued to look at me.

"Honestly?"

"I'm being honest." This was annoying me, why couldn't everyone just leave me alone? There was a moment's silence, but I knew this was far from over.

"Okay Casey," Mr Schuester began, "I know full well that something is up. You've haven't been acting right for ages, and what happened with Puck really made me realise that. Casey, you shouldn't keep things in, it's not healthy for you and I don't like seeing you so upset. Please, what's wrong? Let me help you."

"There's nothing wrong," I said through gritted teeth, I was trying to keep the tears from flowing and so far I was succeeding.

"I know that you're not being honest," he said knowingly, "Anyone can see that you're not properly happy." I was silent, deciding not to say anything else. Mr Schue bit his lip and continued, "What happened earlier?"

"I was just dizzy I guess," I said nonchalantly.

"When did you last eat?" he asked me, but before I could reply, he said, "And tell me the truth this time, I know you didn't eat yesterday. You can't get dizzy like that after only skipping food for one day." That made me hesitate. Oh great, so now he knew I was lying, now what was I supposed to say? I've not eaten for three days, but you know, it's all good? No! Urgh, I'm so pathetic, I'm that worthless that I can't even make up a half decent lie. Unconsciously, I began scratching at the word on my arm, it hurt, good. I looked into Mr Schue's eyes and could see that he was expecting an answer.

"Umm," I began slowly, "The other day." I mentally slapped myself. 'The other day,' what sort of a pathetic lie was that? A four year old child could do better. He raised his eyebrows:

"What do you mean by 'the other day'?" he queried quietly.

"A couple of days ago is all," I mumbled, unable to lie any longer. There was just no point- he could obviously see through my lies so what's the point of lying any longer?

"Casey..." he began, but ended up trailing off as his eyes clouded over with worry. I took a deep breath and decided to just say it:

"Fine. Three days, okay." I looked away from him, unable to look into his worried eyes any longer. There was silence. I expected him to yell at me, to tell me how stupid I was but instead he said:

"Casey, that's a long time to go without eating." His voice was steady and calm.

"I drank water, diet coke and coffee," I said to back myself up. He shook his head.

"That's still not good for your health. It's dangerous to starve yourself like that; you can become very ill from it." He paused, "Why did you do it?"

"I dunno," I muttered, not wanting to talk to him anymore.

"Casey please, this is serious," he told me. I ignored him. "Have you done anything else?" The question made me look at him to see his emotions- but he was hiding them very well. I couldn't tell what exactly he meant by the question, but I wasn't going to answer. He decided to elaborate:

"Have you thrown up food?" I tensed, "Or done other forms of harming yourself?" Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. "Do you self harm?" He came out and asked me bluntly. I could feel my whole body tense up and I withdrew into myself.

"I need to go," I said emotionlessly.

"Casey, no, wait!" He said as I got up out of the chair. Before I opened the door, I turned to him apologetically.

"Look, I gotta go, lessons start in a minute," I bit my lip, "I'm sorry."

"Casey, it's okay, I'm not judging you. I just want to know what's going on so I can help you." He said softly, "We need to talk later then if not now." I looked at him worriedly. "Will you be here for Glee tonight?"

"Yeah," I replied quietly.

"We can talk after rehearsals then. And don't bother missing it; I want to talk to you sooner or later anyways." He told me gently. I sighed; I knew there was no point running away from Glee. Instead of saying anything I nodded my head at him and walked out of the room.

For most of the day I just kept my head down and worked- I seemed to be doing that alot lately, but it got me through the day. Break came and went uneventfully as I sat in the library, finishing off some homework. English and maths dragged on for an eternity, but I was rewarded with the bliss known as lunch. Once again I sat outside, in the same isolated spot as before behind the dumpster. I was in deep shit, and I knew it, if Mr Schue found out about everything I would be sure to be put in hospital or some kind of crappy foster home. My life was an absolute mess- a train wreck of disaster waiting for the right moment to catch alight and torch everything.

I found myself reaching into my bag for one of my sharper blades, and before I even registered what I was doing, my whole forearm was littered in cuts. Some were deeper than others, and some barely bled at all, but it gave me the release that I needed. It was what saved me time and time again when no person could, it was my friend, and I needed it. I heard the bell go and I rolled my sleeves down carefully, I hadn't got a tissue so the blood was running everywhere- staining my jacket. Luckily for me though my jacket was black so it wasn't too noticeable- unless you knew what you were looking for and had a sharp eye. There wasn't much I could do though; I felt better, and that's what mattered to me. Recalling what I had last, I realised with mild horror that I –once again- had Spanish with Mr Schuester. Maybe that wasn't so lucky, who knew what he would be looking for on me. I stood up quickly and instantly regretted it as a tidal wave of dizziness washed over me; I leaned against the dumpster until I was good to go and headed off for lessons. A sense of dread washed over me as I looked down at my blood stained sleeve, and I prayed that I could hide it.

**Author's note- I don't usually put these at the end but I wanted to apologise, I know that this chapter is no-where near as good as the other one's so just bear with me for the story.**


	8. Chapter 7

**Author's note- thank you to those who have reviewed my story and followed/ favourited it! It really means alot to me that you like it. So therefore I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing at all. And I've just finished my coffee so I can't really say I own that anymore...**

Chapter 7

I half ran to Spanish, but unlike yesterday- I wasn't late. At least that meant that nothing looked suspicious, so I sat down at my desk and waited for the rest of the class to come in- all while avoiding eye contact with Mr Schuester and hiding my sleeve. It actually felt like I had committed some huge crime- here I was sat in the middle of class under the scrutiny of my teacher while hiding my jacket sleeve- I was half expecting the FBI to come barging in and take me away screaming and struggling. I smirked to myself as I realised just how stupid I could actually be, I could have at least brought tissues to school with me, for the second time that day I mentally slapped myself. Why? Why did it always have to be me with the problems? It sucked, and I had a half mind to just run out of class and jump off a bridge. That might look a little odd though to alot of people, and I guess that- deep deep down- I didn't really want to give up just yet.

I focused on my work, willing the time away until I had Glee club. A big part of me wanted to go and be with a place where I was wanted, but a part of me didn't want to have to talk with Mr Schue again. I let too much slip last time- he already knew too much and I couldn't let him know any more. So now my guard was up, an imaginary filter was put in my mouth to stop me from telling him too much. But I already knew that he had his own ideas forming of what's going on, what with the way he just came out and asked me whether I threw up food or self-harmed, he knew something way bigger was happening; something bigger than what I was letting on. Maybe he already knew but just needed confirmation, if that's what he was after then he certainly wasn't going to get it. After what seemed like eternity, the bell rang- is it just me or do Spanish lessons go by really slowly? I wondered to myself as I packed away my things. I jumped about fifty feet into the air as I heard a voice from beside me:

"There's blood on your sleeve." I whirled around to come face to face with Mr Schuester. As I processed his comment I became aware that I had completely forgotten about my sleeve, too late now you stupid pig, I mentally chastised myself.

"I fell pretty bad and scraped my arm just before lesson," I lied to him. Oh wow, I'm getting so much better at this whole lying shindig. I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with that so quickly, and to top it off I think it sounded rather convincing- as did Mr Schuester.

"Oh really? Are you okay?" He asked concerned. He always seemed either worried or concerned about me these days.

"Yeah I'm fine," I replied smiling, "It looks alot worse than it is."

"That's okay then," Mr Schuester smiled back. In all honesty I was in complete shock at how gullible he could be- usually he saw right through my lies, so either he was fooled or he was playing along very well. Wow, if he was we should both go into acting together...

"So shall we head to Glee?" He asked as he grabbed his messenger bag from behind his desk.

"Sounds good," I replied nervously. Actually, I was planning on going to the girl's toilets to wash off my arm before Glee, but it looks like I had no choice in the matter now.

We walked side by side along the deserted hallways of McKinley, heading in the direction of the choir room. For most of the walk we were silent, but out of the blue Mr Schuester asked:

"What have you had to eat today?" My step faltered and I opened my mouth as if to say something, but closed it almost instantly. When someone asks a question like that, I don't ever have enough time to think without making it look like I'm thinking up of a lie. Dammit, I growled internally as I realised that we had both stopped and that Mr Schue was looking at me expectantly. I tried to start a sentence but ended up stammering so I stopped. This wasn't looking good for me. Mr Schuester raised his eyebrows very slightly, but I could see that he was – once again – worried. Now that I had successfully made a fool of myself, Mr Schuester could easily tell that I hadn't actually eaten anything. There wasn't much I could say now to convince him otherwise, so I just lowered my eyes and stared at a particularly nice spot on the floor. I bit my lip, hard, until I could feel the blood in my mouth. Good, its nowhere near as much as what I deserve for being so blatantly stupid, but it would have to do for now. All I wanted to do was to lock myself in my room, cry, bang my head against a wall, and cut. It sounds disgusting, but it was all I wanted to do. I hated myself, more than anyone could ever know and these were the times when I really thought I was better off dead.

"Casey?" Mr Schuester said my name softly. I didn't look at him. "Casey, please look at me." Fearing that I was in trouble and that I might as well get this over with, I slowly looked up into his worry filled green eyes. "Casey this isn't good, it's very dangerous to starve yourself like this."

"I'm not starving myself," I muttered annoyed, "I'm just... not really hungry, and I forgot about eating today." The last part was actually kind of true, I did forget to eat, not that I was going to anyway.

"You are starving yourself Casey, the way you look if proof of that."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped.

"You're very skinny, alarmingly so and it's not healthy," he told me. I rolled my eyes at his stupid comment; no way on earth was I skinny. I was a fat ugly pig who needed to lose weight fast, how dare he used the word skinny and put it with me! It's a disgrace hearing that word and me in the same sentence... now who's the one who's lying? I thought bitterly to myself as I stared at him. Sensing that I wasn't going to say anything to him, he decided to continue, "You don't look particularly well either, and you need to eat to maintain your health."

"It's only been a few days," I growled through gritted teeth.

"And that's a long time to go without eating."

"I don't care!" I shouted angrily. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I was so sick of it, I'm a worthless thing and he shouldn't waste his time on someone like me.

"Well I care," he told me honestly, and as I looked into his eyes, I could see the worry, the concern and the care for me. I hated it, I didn't deserve this. I just shook my head and looked away while scratching my arm in the hope that it would bleed again. "I don't like seeing you like this Casey. You need to tell me what's going on, because it's not doing you any good."

"No." I said bitterly. In all honestly I wasn't angry at him- I was angry at myself and the fact that he cared about me too much. I sighed. "I don't have any problems."

"Then why do you do this?" That question made me think, how was I supposed to answer that? I didn't have any problems, I only starve myself, and make myself throw up... and self-harm... and are suicidal... If I told him that then he would see it as problems, so instead, I decided to keep my big fat mouth shut and stay silent. I heard him sigh heavily, not from annoyance- but from sadness. Great.

"If you don't want to talk to me," he started, "You can always talk to Miss Pillsbury."

"No." I said again. "I don't trust counsellors, they do nothing."

"Maybe she can help, or suggest something to help you." He said quietly.

"I don't want to talk to her!" I said frustrated, "I don't need help, I'm fine!" We were quiet for a few moments before I said, "We should have been in Glee about ten minutes ago." Mr Schuester checked his watched before sighing and looking at me.

"I can call it off."

"Now why would you do that?" I was being rude, and I knew it, but I was too upset at myself to care anymore.

"Because I need to talk to you."

"You just did."

"Okay, well I need to talk to you more, in a more suitable environment such as my office where we can have a proper chat." He said gently.

"The others will be annoyed that you cancelled Glee," I attempted to put him off the idea.

"I'm sure they can survive this one time," he said, "We have Glee tomorrow after school, and if they are really that bothered then they can come rehearse in the morning on their own." Dammit he was determined.

"Umm, well maybe I have stuff to do." Oh kill me; that was the most unconvincing lie to date. Way to go Casey, you deserve an award for the shittiest liar.

"Well maybe I know you don't have stuff to do." He said, his eyebrows raised slightly.

"I wouldn't want to waste your time, I'm sure you have much more important things to do," I muttered. All I wanted to do was to go home right now.

"Casey, please, you're gonna talk to me sooner or later and I would rather it be sooner." I guess I knew that I would have to talk to him at some point, but I really didn't want to. Maybe I could try to run away, maybe I could just move schools- that would be the most unlikely thing to happen though.

"I don't want to."

"Please Casey, I'm really worried..."

"You shouldn't be worried."

"Well I am." He bit his lip, "Casey, please, just tell me what's going on, let me help you." I looked up at him again, there wasn't much point in arguing anymore- he was going to win and I knew it. I rubbed my eyes, I wasn't sure what I was going to say to him; he was expecting answers and the truth. But I wasn't sure whether I was ready to give them to him yet; I had never told anyone what had really gone on and there is so much more to this than losing my parents- and although that played a big part, it was only part of something much bigger.

"Fine then. Okay, let's just... get this over with." I muttered as I finally gave up. Mr Schuester smiled at me; I gave him the weakest smile in return.

"Thank you Casey," he said happily. I just nodded and followed him to the choir room. He thought he was going to get answers, and maybe he was going to get a few, but one things for sure- he is not getting them all. He already knows about me starving myself and he can't know more than that. I won't tell him about me throwing food up of cutting myself; he would probably send me to some sort of mental hospital where they would shove me in a white straight jacket. I wasn't having any of that, I wasn't ill, I didn't need help and I didn't have any problems. I was fine, and the sooner he realised that the better.


	9. Chapter 8

**Author's note- Thank you to all those who have reviewed my story, it really means alot to get positive feedback! I really didn't think that I would still be carrying this on, but due to the number of views and the kind words people have written, you have given me the incentive to carry on! **

**Disclaimer- I own nothing, I do however own my computer and my coffee... Anyways, on with the show eh?**

Chapter 8

I stood next to Mr Schue by the piano looking rather awkward as the Glee club members left the room. They said 'see ya' to us on the way out and luckily no-one queried why Glee had been cancelled; all except Rachel who had said:

"Why is it cancelled? How can you do this to me? Don't you realise that this is the highlight of my day and now no-one can listen to my voice before they go home! It's unfair; you can't just spring that on us like that without warning. And I'm gonna stay right here!" She sat back down after her little outburst and folded her arms indignantly. I saw Mercedes roll her eyes and say:

"Leave it Rachel, we can come in tomorrow morning if you're that bothered," she then got up and she smiled at me as she left.

Soon however, everyone had left- leaving just me alone with my teacher. Why they couldn't have taken longer to go I had no clue, all I knew was that I was now regretting agreeing to talk to Mr Schuester. A big part of me wanted to run, to bolt out of the door and run home, but I couldn't. That wouldn't look too good for me; no, I had to stay here and talk about stuff to my teacher. I really didn't know what I was supposed to say, or how I could say it without giving too much away- and because I can't think on my feet I was screwed to say the least.

"Shall we?" Mr Schue looked at me before leading me back into his office for the second time that day. A small whimper of anxiety escaped my lips when he shut the door behind us, of course he noticed this and he frowned in concern, "Are you okay?"

"Fine," I mumbled, embarrassed.

"You're not though are you?" Mr Schue said shrewdly. I just hummed in response. Right now, I wasn't comfortable, I was panicking slightly and I felt nervous. I didn't want to talk, and I didn't want to tell him anything- but I knew he would make me; I'm losing this one-sided battle. He sighed and looked at me for a while before saying: "You starve yourself."

"No." I instantly replied emotionlessly. He raised his eyebrows slightly and said:

"Then why do you not eat for certain periods of time?"

"Because I don't get hungry," I lied.

"Casey, I know you're lying, you might as well just tell me the truth." He told me gently. I gritted my teeth in annoyance, I was seriously contemplating about running out, my gaze wandered to the door behind me and I was just beginning to debate whether I could escape in time when Mr Schuester said: "There's not much point in running away. You'll have to talk sooner or later." I turned my gaze back to slowly look into his worry clouded eyes, it killed me to see him this concerned- I hated it when people worried about me.

"Okay then, if that's how you want to put it then yeah, I guess I starve myself." I finally said, deciding to play by his rules. By no means was he happy about that, but he was certainly happier that I had admitted it. God, all I wanted to do was just go home and die, why am I even here? His voice interrupted my dark thoughts:

"Anything else?" Mr Schuester's voice was soft, but I couldn't help but wonder what he actually meant by that.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked curiously. He looked at me in mild surprise, he obviously thought that I knew what he meant but was surprised when he realised that perhaps he didn't make much sense.

"Umm, well I guess I meant have you... done anything else," his voice was nervous- uncertain how to word things without sounding mean and judging. I just stared at him, finally understanding what he meant, but the problem was- how was I supposed to deny it without sounding like a complete liar? He took my silence wrongly and he thought I was still confused so he elaborated:

"Like, have you self-harmed, thrown up on purpose, anything like that?" I felt awkward sitting there knowing that I had done all of those things, I shifted uncomfortably but tried to keep my expression neutral.

"No, I haven't," I replied, my voice sounding convincing. Hang on- me and convincing in the same sentence? Wow, the apocalypse has come. I almost laughed out loud, but in all honesty, I was awfully pleased with how convincing I sounded. Inside, I did a happy dance.

"Honestly?" Mr Schue pressed. Obviously he thought I wasn't being completely honest.

"I was being honest," I lied, frowning in fake confusion for effect. This was going well, I thought as I saw the look of surprise on his face which he quickly covered up. For now I had fooled him, but I think that deep down he didn't believe me.

"And if I was to say I knew otherwise?" he said. I faltered in shock at his comment, what exactly did he know? Shit, how he could know anything? I'd been fairly careful. My mouth opened and closed a few times as I unsuccessfully tried to start several sentences; I bit my lip in frustration and anger- now that proved that I had been lying, it was now so blatantly obvious that he knew something else was wrong. Mr Schuester hesitated for a moment before continuing, "There was blood on your sleeve earlier." He looked at me with a gentleness that I had never seen in a teacher before, most teachers wouldn't care at all if their students had some problems or didn't act right; but yet Mr Schuester seemed to genuinely care about his students and would go to great lengths to help them and find out what's wrong. It made me trust him so much more and to be honest, I was really tempted to just tell him everything right there and then. But yet again, I didn't. I ducked my head and said:

"I already told you, I fell over and scraped it pretty bad."

"Can I see it then?" He asked. My eyes widened at his question, now I was stuck. How was I supposed to say no without it looking too suspicious?

"No, its fine, I wouldn't worry about it," I said nonchalantly, "I just didn't have time to clean it up is all."

"Well if it's fine you would let me see your arm." He pointed out. The words 'oh shit' kept running through my mind, I knew that this wouldn't end too well, I groaned quietly.

"It's seriously nothing," I said, beginning to get annoyed.

"It can't be 'nothing'." He began softly, "You don't let anyone see your arms, you always were long sleeved clothes, you freaked out when Puck tried to take your jacket off and you won't let my check to see it the supposed scrape is okay." He sighed. "Casey, I know for a fact you're hiding stuff from me." There was absolutely nothing I could say to that, he knew I was hiding the truth from him, but I was pretty sure he had a good idea of what's going on. If I didn't get out now, I would be in trouble; there would be no going back then.

"I have to go," I said abruptly.

"No Casey wait!" He said getting up and stopping me before I had even got a chance to reach the door. To stop me he instinctively put a restraining hand on my left arm- exactly where the fresh cuts were. I gasped loudly in pain, forgetting to try and control myself. He immediately withdrew his hand, but his expression was unreadable although I could tell that his worry had just gone through the roof.

"Casey, I really think we need to have a proper talk now."


	10. Chapter 9

**Author's note- Thank you to everyone who has reviewed my story! Also, thanks to those who just read it! I hope you all like this little chappie, and I actually have some stuff planned out for this so stay tuned! Gah, just realised I'm on the ninth chapter- way to go me eh?**

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything apart from my coffee and advent calendar chocolate. **

Chapter 9

We stood looking at each other for a fair while; I was debating in my mind whether it would be better to run for it or to just say that I had to go. I was torn- what was I going to do now? As if he didn't need any more proof that something was going on, I pretty much put it on a plate and served it to him. My gasp of pain was purely obvious; I had given up- there wasn't much more I could do now. But what would he do if I told him about my parents? Would he phone some social services, or send me to an orphanage? Maybe he would send me to a psychiatric ward without a backwards glance. He didn't need to know my problems, and I didn't want to load them all on him- it wouldn't be fair. I was beyond help, nothing could save me, and he might as well leave me to die.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a gentle touch on my shoulder; Mr Schuester rested his hand comfortingly on me and smiled softly. I was so close to breaking down, but I couldn't and I wouldn't.

"Casey..." He said my name tentatively.

"I have to go home." I murmured almost inaudibly.

"Why do you keep making excuses?" He asked me, "Why don't you tell me so I can help you- I don't want to see you like this for the rest of your life."

"Just... don't worry about me."

"I can't do that- I care about you too much."

"You shouldn't," I sighed, "You're a teacher; no other teacher gives a damn." He looked a little taken aback but replied nonetheless:

"Well maybe I don't want to be like other teachers- maybe I actually care about them as people rather than just students who I happen to teach. I want to see my students happy, and if they're not then I would want them to talk about their problems so that I – or someone – can help them." I gazed into his eyes and saw the sincerity in them; I bit back the tears that threatened to overwhelm me.

"I don't want to plague you with all my problems; no-one can help me." I let a few tears trickle down my cheeks against my will, "And I don't fancy spending my life in a mental hospital!" My voice rose at the end. I hesitated, before realising with wide eyes what I had just told him; I had pretty much said 'I have serious problems that classify me as mentally unstable.'

"Shit." I whispered very quietly. I think he heard me though and he smiled reassuringly at me.

"I assure you Casey," he began gently, "I have no desire to send you to a mental hospital. If it's more serious then you may need some help- yes- but I don't have the power to send you there. Nor do I think that it would be best." He squeezed my shoulder lightly, "All I want to do is help- I've come to notice that you really aren't happy, it's not healthy to bottle up emotions and I don't want to see you get worse." I wiped a few tears away, I was touched that he was genuinely worried and wanted to help; but hearing him say that he wouldn't ship me off to a mental hospital made me trust him even more. However I was still unsure, it didn't feel right telling him all of my problems, but I wanted to tell him because I got the feeling that he might help me. Sensing my battle inside my head, Mr Schuester continued:

"No matter what it is- I'll never judge you. I won't think any less of you Casey." He sighed, "But equally I don't want to force you to talk right away about everything... I don't want you to feel as though you have to talk. But Casey, I seriously do want to talk to you, soon hopefully. I'll let you think it over tonight and then we could talk a little more tomorrow; how does that sound?" I breathed a small sigh of relief; I didn't have to say anything today- at least I would have time to think about what I would tell him. Because in all honesty I did want to tell him some things- but I didn't want to mention my family or self-harm- I couldn't say that... but maybe I could talk about the starving and perhaps the bulimia? Another war was raging in my mind, I was very unsure of what to do. Instead of dwelling on the matter for now, I decided to respond to his question:

"Yeah, sounds good." His smiled warmly at me when I said that and he looked... hopeful?

"Are you coming to tomorrow mornings rehearsals?" he queried. I paused, I hadn't actually thought about tomorrow morning. He decided to continue, "I think I might go along as well, maybe help go through the dance again..."

"Yeah okay, I'll come along," I said nodding my head, "Normal time?"

"Normal time," Mr Schue confirmed.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yep. Just... have a think about everything okay?" he said softly.

"I will." I replied before opening the door and leaving the school.

As soon as I got home I dropped my stuff in the middle of the floor before running to the bathroom and taking out a blade. So many emotions were going through my head, taunting me: sadness, anger, hopelessness, and self-hatred. For the second time that day I cut; I cut pretty badly again all along my wrists and arms. Lines of bright red glared up at me in anger, they showed me how worthless, fat and disgusting I was. I deserved it- I deserved the pain and the constant reminder of what a fat failure I am. The blood would slowly flow down my arm and make unpredictable patterns of beauty. In a sick way, I liked it, I liked the feeling of it on my skin as it stained my arms a blinding red. But at the same time I hated it- hated the monster that I had become.

That night wasn't a good night. I had binged on food- crisps and biscuits amongst a variety of other calorie packed tortures. And I had thrown them right back up. My fingers went to the back of my throat for the tenth time as another violent retch racked my body; more food came up as I was sick. It was another kind of release- this time from all the calories and fat that would torture me in my nightmares. I gasped for breath as I collapsed on the floor of my bathroom; grabbing a tissue- I wiped the tears from my eyes. This probably wouldn't do me any favours in the morning- but in the long run it made my whole life better. I was fat- far too fat, and I needed to lose weight fast. Shakily, I stood up and made my way to the scales. Seven stone and two pounds- if that was all in pounds it would be one hundred pounds. It was too much; I needed to be perfect- skinny. And I was still far from my goal.

At around twelve at night, I found myself rummaging through one of the kitchen cupboards. My hand hit various containers until I found the one I was looking for- paracetamol- a painkiller. I popped four out and swallowed them dry. It wasn't enough to damage me or anything, but it was enough to let some of the pain fade; I had overdosed- but only mildly- it was the least I deserved.

I went to bed on an empty stomach with sore and stinging arms, my mind still swirling with negative thoughts and emotions. I was lucky I hadn't killed myself.

**Author's note- I'm thinking of doing a few chapters in Mr Schue's point of view, anyone think that would be good or if it would work? Leave me a note in a review or something- it will be greatly appreciated.**


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's note- Thanks to those who have reviewed my story! I hope you like this chapter :) Wow, chapter 10, quite pleased with how many chapters I've done- and hopefully there are many more to come! Sorry this took a while to get up- I haven't had alot of time to myself to do much recently.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own anything, this is a work of fanfiction so you cannot sue moi.**

Chapter 10

It hadn't been a brilliant morning either- I had pretty much fallen out of bed, and dressed myself while I was barely awake. I felt like crap- last night hadn't been good- and it was taking its toll on me. As if to add to it all, my voice was hoarse from where I had made myself throw up- how was I going to explain that to Mr Schue? He was already forming ideas in his mind on my problems- this was just going to help his thoughts along. Great. And to top it all off we had morning Glee club rehearsals, I just hoped that it wouldn't involve dancing- I'm not sure whether I could stay on my feet otherwise. The dizziness had come back with vigour, and I knew I was in trouble- there was just no point to my existence.

I'd left early for school today- that way I had plenty of time to get there at my own pace; it was better than being late again. My arms were rubbing uncomfortably against the sleeves of my top- I had a black long sleeved top on underneath a t-shirt. I was actually wondering whether the friction was enough to make me bleed again, and I sincerely hoped that wouldn't be the case, god knows what everyone would think then. As I neared the car park, I could see numerous cars that I recognised were owned by the Glee kids- and the one owned by Mr Schuester. At least I wasn't alone, I thought to myself as I walked up the steps and into the school building. I opened the door of the choir room to find everyone already there sitting chatting to one another, I suddenly felt awkward:

"Sorry, am I late again?" I was a little confused.

"No, you're right on time!" Mercedes said happily.

"Everyone just got here a little early," Rachel smiled. I nodded at them and sat down on a spare chair. I could feel Mr Schuester's gaze on me, but I refuse to meet his eyes- I just couldn't, I was scared how much he would find out. I was now really regretting saying that I would talk to him- it's just dug me into deeper shit to be blunt.

"Right, well now that everyone's here, how about we start another assignment?" Mr Schue said while clasping his hands together. Everyone mumbled in response as he grabbed a whiteboard marker and went over to write something.

"Anthems," he announced as he underlined the word with a flourish. "Your assignment for the rest of this week is to split into small groups, with a maximum of four, and perform to us what you think is a great anthem." There was a brief pause in which Mr Schuester checked his watch, "We have half an hour, so why don't you get into groups and go through possible song choices?"

The people around me rushed into groups, I just sat there- staring into space. I heard the sound of a chair scraping and I turned to look at Blaine:

"You okay?" He asked looking concerned.

"Fine," I replied with a forced smile. He hesitated- obviously he didn't believe me.

"Come on, you're with us," He took my hand and led me over to Kurt and Rachel- who were already drafting possible ideas for songs... and even outfits! We both took our seats in what seemed to be a small square or circle.

"Well I was thinking a Broadway classic," Rachel gushed dramatically, "Maybe Barbra!"

"You always want to do her!" Kurt complained. Rachel just glared at him in mild disgust.

"Okay guys, well why don't we do something that isn't as obvious as Broadway?" Blaine suggested; he frowned, thinking for a moment before continuing, "Didn't you do My Chemical Romance one year?" I looked up at him as he offered the name.

"You like them don't you?" Kurt said to me.

"Umm, yeah I do." I murmured.

"We did Sing, the other year," Rachel said, "It did go down very well."

"Any suggestions on a good song or 'anthem' by them?" Blaine asked, excited that we had a decent idea already.

"How about..." I sighed, thinking, "Welcome to the Black Parade?"

"I've heard of that!" Blaine's eyes lit up. "That is definitely an anthem. If we do this, we will win this assignment!"

"Win it?" Kurt sounded confused. Blaine shrugged:

"We could make it a competition if Mr Schue agrees."

Rachel smiled- she was far too competitive at the best of times- she turned to look at our Glee club director and said loudly:

"Mr Schuester?"

"Yeah Rach?" He – along with everyone else - turned to look at us.

"Blaine has had the wonderful idea of making this into a competition between groups." She grinned, "Of course we will win, but I think it will be good to have a competitive challenge for us."

"Sounds great," Mr Schuester agreed thoughtfully, "Okay then here's what we will do: Each group will be judged by me and Miss Pillsbury, we will then decide the overall winners who will win the prize of..." We all did a mini drum roll, "A dinner for their group at everyone's favourite restaurant: Breadstix!" Everyone did a 'whoop' and an excited cheer before the choir room broke out in chatter again.

"We are going to win this!" Rachel exclaimed quietly to us.

Most of the school day went by quickly without trouble, classes just seemed to pass swiftly and before I knew it- it was break. As I was walking through the crowded hallways of McKinley, I came close to a small group of kids. Standing there was Karofsky, Azimio, Santana and a jock I didn't recognise. I was just about to pass them without so much as a glance at them when Santana yelled at me:

"Hey emo!" I stopped and turned to the side to stare at her. She had just called me an emo in front of the jocks who bully people, and alot of the school. Shit.

"Whoa whoa, wait." Azimio shouted, "Emo?" He turned to me, "You cut yourself?"

"No." I muttered while shaking my head. Karofsky laughed at me and shoved me into a locker:

"Freaky emo cutter." He hissed in my ear. What had Santana told them? I knew she could be a bitch, but I wouldn't have thought she would tell them her stupid suspicions.

"Shut up," I growled at David just as he turned away. He swung around, glaring at me.

"What did you tell me to do?" He punched to locker beside me.

"I told you to shut up and leave me alone!" I yelled. I knew I shouldn't be saying this to him, but he was really pissing me off.

"Go take your anger out on your wrists!" He snapped loudly before hitting my shoulder. I cried out as he struck me again- this time on my face. I struggled to get away; by now, everyone had stopped and was watching us intently while muttering stuff to their friends. Just as Karofsky was about to lay another punch, I lifted my knee with a hard force and kneed him where it hurts. He yelled out as he stumbled back; I took my chance and legged it in the opposite direction. For the rest of break I hid outside behind the abandoned dumpster, hoping that was the end of it.

How wrong could I be though? For the rest of the day I was plagued with whispered insults, and rumours about me spread like wildfire all across the school. I would hear the word 'freak' and 'emo' and 'cutter' tossed around alot, especially if I was in the same classroom. Lunch time came and I avoided everyone- choosing to hide behind the dumpster again until the bell rang. I stood up, about to walk to class when I realised in horror that I had Spanish. Although the lesson I could deal with- it was the fact that Karofsky was in my class that made me hesitate. By no means did I want to do this- I not showing up would probably cause more hatred and suspicions to circulate; but I couldn't deal with Karofsky again today. For an hour I sat behind that same dumpster- writing songs in my notebook and trying to resist the overwhelming urge to cut again. I was startled when I heard the bell ring again- it didn't seem like it had been an hour. For a brief moment I wondered if Mr Schuester was going to say anything about my odd absence, his suspicions would be growing as well; and I knew he wanted to talk to me today. In all honesty I was once again, screwed.

It wasn't long until I heard people exit the building- excited to go home and rest for the evening. I stood up and headed inside the building; I walked to the choir room, I knew that Glee wasn't on tonight, but I didn't want to go home. My thoughts were scaring me at the moment- and if I went home, I'm not quite sure what would happen. Luckily, the choir room was always unlocked, so I strolled in and sat down on a lone chair. For a while I waited- waited until I could no longer hear people moving outside, until all the students and teachers had hopefully gone home. I checked facebook, only to be attacked with disgusting messages and notifications. People had written on my wall, calling me all sorts of names, saying all sorts of horrid things.

'Emo.' That word stood out at me, the stereotype tortured me, and I was really beginning to question my existence. Sometimes I felt as though I wasn't meant to be here, as though I was never meant for this earth; as though I was never meant for happiness. If all this... bullying... carried on, I wasn't sure how much longer I could last. A warm tear made its way down my cheek and fell onto my lap, more soon fell. I reached inside my bag, and took out a blade. I had never done it inside the school building before – but what did it matter know? Everyone already hates me, I deserved the pain, after all- I was a stupid, worthless, emo. I rolled up my left sleeve slightly, the word 'worthless' stared up at me in an angry red. Sighing as I put the cool steel blade to my skin; I dragged it across- not once, not twice, but numerous times. So many times that in the end I had actually lost count. I was disgusted with myself; both fresh and old cuts and scars were scattered in irregular patterns on my whole arm. When I was a child- never did I think I would be the person to do this sort of thing- I never used to have a care in the world. But that just goes to show you how quickly things can change- how quickly your entire life can change.

Once again, I brought the blade back to my red, abused skin. I pressed down and watched as the droplets of blood came out of my body, I was fascinated; I was hurting myself physically to get rid of the emotional hurt. What kind of sick, messed up person was I? A slam of a door brought me out of my thoughts as I jumped violently. I dropped the blade on the floor and moved to cover my arm- but it was too late. With tear filled eyes I looked up at the shocked face of Mr Schuester as he stopped a few feet away from me; nothing but worry, and utter shock was in his eyes. What had I done?

"Casey?" His voice was choked up, but soft. He stared at me, he looked devastated. How could I do this?


	12. Chapter 11

**Author's note- I hope you enjoy this chapter, I don't know when I'll next update because it's the Christmas holidays for me so I'm quite busy. But I'll do my best to update soon- oh and I should warn you there is alot more swearing in this chapter! Happy Holidays everyone!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything :3**

Chapter 11

"Casey?" He took a tentative step towards me with nothing but shock, worry and devastation written on his face. This made everything worse, now what was I to say? All his suspicions about this had just been horribly confirmed, and it had hurt him in the process. It hurt me to see the pain in his eyes as he stared at me- he looked confused as well as everything else. I had hurt him. I had caused this mess. What sort of freak show was I? I stood up swiftly as he took another step towards me.

"Casey..." His broken voice was nothing more than a whisper. I couldn't do this. "Casey, do you want to go into my office and we can have a chat." He said it gently. But how could he even look at my disgusting body? He must hate me; despise me. Maybe he would yell- shout, tell me off, tell me to sort my life out; but when I looked at Mr Schuester I could only see the worry and sincerity in his green eyes. It made me hate myself even more. With tears flowing freely down my cheeks, I shook my head; I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to be near anyone- I wanted to go home. I wanted to die; and now was a better time than any.

"Casey, please," His voice still no louder than a gentle whisper. Each time he spoke I died a little more inside, to think that I had just subjected him to seeing that. I took a step back away from him; I wasn't completely sure how to get out of this mess. Mr Schue would make me talk today; I had no doubt about that- and this time he would be hell bent on getting answers. I couldn't talk, I had already decided that- but I couldn't just tell him I was leaving, he would stop me. This would just lead on to some big mess that I wouldn't be able to sort out; he might make me see Miss Pillsbury- send me off to some mental ward (although he promised he wouldn't do that.) There were too many risks if I talked to him. The room was silent. I did the only thing I could think of doing at the time:

I ran.

I had always been a fast runner, so I had it on my side. In record time I picked up my bag, managed to get past a shocked Mr Schuester and out of the door before he had even registered what I was doing. I bolted down the long deserted corridors and hallways of McKinley in the general direction of the exit. However, to my dismay, it wasn't long before I heard footsteps in hot pursuit of me. Shit. Even I never would have thought that Mr Schuester would come running after me. He is taller than me, stronger than me, and older than me, I had no chance now. In a matter of seconds, he would catch me up and stop me. Then he would take me back to his office for a 'chat' and I would be well and truly screwed. Fuck. My. Life.

"Casey!" I heard him yell after me. "Casey wait!" He sounded close, but I wasn't about to stop and look, I had too much to risk; I couldn't let him catch me. I was nearing the double doors that led outside to the car park; I exhaled, my heart was pounding, adrenaline coursing through my veins- I barely slowed to fling the doors open as I practically fell down the steps. Regaining my balance, I began to run again. I yelped in surprise as I felt a strong pair of arms wrapped quickly around my waist. I hadn't realised just how close he had been, and it took me by surprise. I lost my footing, and I would have fallen if it wasn't for my teacher holding me up.

"Get off of me!" I screamed at him. It was probably just as well we were the only people left in school.

"No, Casey please, I just want to talk." He pleaded. I continued to struggle against his grip, I tried to break his hold- but he wasn't budging.

"Let me go!"

"We need to talk; I can't leave you like this!"

"I don't want to fucking talk! Leave me alone!" I knew I shouldn't swear at him- he hadn't done anything wrong. But I was so pissed off, I hated myself and my frustration was clearly showing.

"Come on Casey, calm down, all I want to do is have a proper talk with you..." His voice was soft. I stopped struggling a little, but continued to try and break his hold on me.

"I don't want to." I said quietly as tears began falling again. My voice rose as I shouted: "I can't fucking do this anymore!" He tightened his grip on me and said:

"Let's just talk. It may make you feel better." He was trying to reason with me now.

"I don't want to fucking talk!" I yelled. "I don't want to go to your fucking office where I constantly feel interrogated."

"We don't have to go to my office," he said calmly, "I wasn't thinking that now anyways."

"It doesn't even matter." I growled. "I'm not worth it."

"Casey you are worth it!" He told me genuinely, "It does matter because something is seriously wrong for you to be doing that to yourself. You're going through alot of emotional pain and you can't go on like this!" I stopped trying to escape his grasp, but his grip didn't loosen. "Please Casey; I'm not leaving you like this."

There was no point arguing. I had given up- I'd have to talk to him. So what I could do is talk to him, then go home, then kill myself. There was no point in living now. I'm already dead. I shifted to look up at his eyes with my own emotionless ones. Mr Schuester looked worried, scared, and sad; I nodded at him. He gave me a small smile in return.

"Thank you," he murmured gently. "Let's go back inside for a moment." I hesitated.

"Where do you want to talk?" I asked blankly.

"Well I don't want to talk in my office," he told me softly, "I was thinking- if you're okay with it– we could go back to mine. It'll be a bit more comfortable there and the atmosphere may be more relaxed." I sighed for a moment. I might as well, it was better than an office.

"Okay." I replied.

"I still need to collect my things," he said. He loosened his arms around me, but kept one hand on my shoulder. Mr Schuester led us back to the choir room where I saw his bag lying on the floor. A glint caught my eye, and I remembered that I had dropped my blade. Aw crap- I thought, how was I supposed to get that without him seeing? I had more of course, but I couldn't leave it here. I waited as Mr Schue picked up his bag; but he didn't immediately come back. I groaned as he walked over to where I had dropped the blade- I didn't even realise he had seen it. My teacher bent down and cautiously picked it up between his thumb and index finger. He hesitated- unsure of what to do with it.

"Give it to me," I said without emotion. He looked at me in shock; he obviously didn't think I'd want it back.

"I'm not giving it back to you Casey," Mr Schue told me in a gentle tone. I bit my lip in frustration as he walked over to his office, he disappeared for only about a couple of seconds before he came out; the blade was no longer in sight.

"What did you do with it?" I asked annoyed, but I tried to control my voice.

"I put it away," He told me honestly, "I'll get rid of it later." I gritted my teeth, and walked over to his office. Mr Schuester put out an arm to stop me; I didn't really think I'd be able to get it back, but I was just pissed he took it away from me.

"Just let me have it." I sighed.

"I can't do that," He told me gently, "Let's go." With a hand on my shoulder again, he turned me around and walked me to the door. I let him lead me outside; there really was no point in trying anymore. I had finally given up- everything had just gotten worse and worse until... boom. It finally broke me. I just couldn't wait until I could get home on my own tonight.

"Feel free to take the front." He told me suddenly. I hadn't realised we had come to a stop outside his blue car. I just nodded. In the end I did take the front seat- I opened the door and got carefully inside. I heard Mr Schuester get in beside me as I put my seatbelt on; I refused to meet his concerned gaze as he started the car.

For the whole journey I stared out the window, watching everything pass by. Mr Schuester kept giving me concerned and worried glances- I could tell this had thoroughly scared him; it made me feel like complete shit. But he wouldn't have to worry for much longer. No one would have to worry much longer...


	13. Chapter 12

**Author's note- I apologise for not updating recently- I've been focusing on my Ghost Hunters fic. Thank you for all the nice reviews, they make my day! Alrighty then, I hope y'all enjoy this. Oh, if you want, I'm listening to a song called The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance- so check it out if you want. It's sort of fitting. It's also the title of my Ghost Hunters fanfiction- and I only noticed that the other day :') **

**Disclaimer- I own nothing. Nada, nowt, nil.**

Chapter 12

It wasn't long before I found myself following my teacher into his home. As he shut the door behind us, I flinched, now I was trapped.

"Let's go on through," Mr Schuester said, gesturing to the living room. I took a seat on the couch, as he said: "Would you like anything to drink?"

"No thanks," I murmured. I heard him sigh and felt the couch dip slightly as he came to sit beside me. We were both silent for a moment, unsure of what to say or how to start a conversation. But suddenly, out of the blue, he asked me:

"Can I have your parent's number?" I stared at him. Now what was I supposed to say to that without him finding everything out- and one thing's for sure, I was not going into foster care. "Casey?" He said my name after I didn't do anything apart from stare at him. I opened and closed my mouth a few times- doing a great impression of a fish- I was thinking of ways to avoid the conversation; but I was coming up with none.

"No." I said. It wasn't much of an answer but it would suffice.

"Casey, I need to call them to let them know you will be late home," he tried to reason, "If you want, I won't tell them why- although they need to know really."

"You can't." I said without emotion. I turned to look at him and I bit my lip when I saw the confusion in his eyes. Sighing, I debated in my mind whether or not to tell him. In all honesty though, I couldn't escape him knowing- he would become suspicious of why I wouldn't give him their number. Dang it.

"Look Mr Schue," I said slowly in defeat, "No-one can really call them now."

"What do you mean?"

"They're dead." I told him. His face was a picture of emotions, sadness, despair, confusion; already I was regretting telling him.

"Oh god Casey..." He seemed to be at an utter loss for words, "I'm so sorry... I had no idea..."

"It's fine, no-one has any idea." I shrugged.

"No-one?" The confusion was back.

"The school doesn't know," I moaned, "And I didn't really want anyone to know."

"Who do you stay with?" He asked tentatively.

"Myself," I replied, "I live on my own." He looked shocked- before he could say anything else I continued pointedly- "And I plan to keep it that way."

"You can't live on your own..." He shook his head sadly, "You're too young, it's not fair on you..."

"I like it that way." I muttered. Deciding that I wanted to change the subject I said: "Are we gonna get on with it then? You wanted me to talk didn't you?" He cast me with his worried gaze- obviously he didn't want to change it, but seeing as though it was a sensitive subject, he nodded slightly. Mr Schuester really did seem unsure of how to start though, but he ended up saying:

"I think we should start from the beginning."

In the end, I told him how my parents died in the car crash, how it started the self harming, how it just got worse over the months as I began feeling worse. Throughout I could see that he was upset, and I did ask him several times if he wanted me to carry on- but he sat and listened to my story. And to his credit, he didn't interrupt, or tell me how disgusting I was; no, he was sympathetic- that was something I had never expected. After I had finished telling him about my parents and how my cutting started, he was silent for a moment.

"How many other times have you cut in school?" He asked gently.

"Inside school itself that was the first time." I sighed, "But I have done it a couple of times outside before if things have gotten bad."

"I heard about what happened with David earlier." Mr Schuester murmured softly, "I heard what he had done and what he had been calling you."

"That's why I did it in school today, I had just given up." I rubbed my eyes, "That's also why I didn't turn up for Spanish- I'm sorry about that by the way- but I really couldn't deal with him being in the same room as me..."

"It's okay," Mr Schuester reassured me, "I can understand why, but don't let a bully like him bring you down Casey."

"I take everything personally; every little insult is like a stab to the gut- it hurts." After a brief pause, Mr Schue said:

"So what about your... eating disorder?" I shot him a sharp look.

"I don't have an eating disorder," I muttered through gritted teeth. He frowned, but rephrased his question:

"What about the eating thing then?" I almost laughed at how he worded it. I took a deep breath as I sat thinking for a moment.

"I'm not too sure where it started. For a couple of days after my parents died I didn't eat, I didn't have the motivation to do anything. The pain of the hunger helped to take my mind off some things for a while as well. I guess it just developed from there- and I became obsessed with my weight, and I'd look at all the skinny girls and think how pretty they are; I wanted to look at myself and actually like who I was. I wanted to look at myself and not have to stare at the fat or how disgusting I was. It may be hard to comprehend Mr Schuester- but to alot of girls it makes sense." I hesitated, but I decided to tell him everything. It was strange- I felt like I could really trust him; like I could tell him absolutely anything and he wouldn't judge. "So I became really skinny; and... well bulimic..."

"You make yourself throw up?" He gently queried.

"Yeah." This is going to sound so strange, but I felt better. Only a tiny bit- but I felt better having told someone my problems. Who would have thought?

"Have you ever... been suicidal?" I hesitated; unsure of honest I should be with that question.

"Yeah I guess," I said nonchalantly. Sensing that I wasn't going to talk to him about that, he left it. But a sudden thought appeared to come to him as he looked at me with concern on his face:

"Do you need stitches?" He cautiously asked.

"Wait, what?" I said confused- he had lost me.

"Your... cutting... it looked really bad in the choir room- I was wondering whether it would need stitches."

"Not stitches," I muttered.

"It needs bandaging," He told me seriously, "And cleaning- I don't want you getting blood poisoning or anything."

"What?" I didn't see the point of talking about this.

"One moment," He said before getting up and walking in the direction of the kitchen. When he returned, he had a small kit in his hand- I realised with a groan that it probably contained bandages.

"No." I told him.

"Casey please, it's either me who does it or I will take you to a hospital," He reasoned.

"I'm not going to a hospital," I snapped, "They'll probably send me off to the psych ward. In fact, I'm surprised you haven't got me a one way ticket there." Mr Schuester looked taken aback:

"I promised I wouldn't do that." He said a little shocked, "I'm not sending you anywhere- all I wanted to do was talk, and see if we could help you." I rolled my eyes a little. "So me or the hospital?" He pressed.

"You," I moaned in defeat. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Like I said before though- I couldn't get out of it. Unlike the hospital- he wouldn't send me to a mental hospital- and either way he would see the cuts. There were more upsides this way.

"Thank you," Mr Schue murmured softly as he gently took my left arm.

My teacher rolled up my sleeve and gasped slightly as he saw just the extent of what I had done to myself. He stared at the word I had carved into myself: 'worthless.' But to his credit again, he never said anything, although he couldn't stop himself from looking utterly devastated- which hurt me more than the blade ever will. With quick precision, he set to work on cleaning up my arm with some fluid- alcohol probably- that bloody well stung; and then he proceeded to wrapping a bandage around my arm. Before long, he was close to finished my other arm as well.

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

"What for?" He frowned as he continued to concentrate.

"For this- you shouldn't have to do this- I shouldn't have just loaded all that onto you. You shouldn't have to see the cuts and scars and bandage them."

"Its fine Casey," He looked at me with honesty, "I'm just glad you talked to me..." I gave him a small smile- which he returned. "All done," He informed me as he packed the equipment away.

"Thanks," I said genuinely. Mr Schuester flashed me a grin before he put the things away. I rolled my sleeves back down.

"Oh, by the way Casey," He started as he re-entered the room, "You're staying here tonight."

"Wait what?"

"You're staying here," He said again, "I'm not letting you go home on your own, besides it's late." I glanced at the clock; the time was getting on towards nine o'clock. I was about to say it wasn't that late when he said: "You're staying here. That's final." He smiled annoyingly at me before sitting back down again. I just sat there with my mouth open.

Now what was I supposed to do?


	14. Chapter 13

**Author's note- A massive thank you to those who review my story! It really means alot to me! Oh, and if you have any questions, feel free to PM me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Also, if there's something you want me to include or if you have any ideas, then feel free to suggest and I will do my best to work with them!**

**I would also like to mention that I don't encourage self-harm. This story is just a story- although many people go through this everyday; hopefully it may make people aware of it more. But in no way am I pro-SH.**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing. Oh wow, just realised I am up to chapter 13! Exciting times!**

Chapter 13

That night I lay awake in the bed in the guest room of Mr Schuester's house. Thoughts from the day were rushing through my mind like a tidal wave; they drowned me and drained me. Earlier on in the evening, Mr Schuester forced me to eat a sandwich. Okay, so he didn't shove it down my throat- in fact he didn't really force me... What happened was that he originally asked me what I wanted for dinner- then we got into the debate on how I didn't want to eat anything- but I should- and so he ordered some Chinese for himself which I didn't want to eat. So in the end he made a sandwich and gave it to me. He didn't tell me to eat it; he just gave it to me. Yes, I did eat all of it, and that was because I was feeling incredibly guilty by this point; and I really didn't want to seem rude. Oh well.

But right now, I was calm on the inside, but I was a mess on the inside. Everything from today had drained me. Even though I had talked about some stuff with my teacher- I still felt like utter shit. That's the reason why, by around midnight, the urge to cut came back with a renewed force of energy. It was, after all, an addiction. An addiction as strong as drugs such as cocaine- it may not seem like it; but it is as bad as that. And with a strong addiction, comes strong urges- which, over time, gradually worsen until you find yourself trapped in that endless cycle. I wouldn't want this for anyone- no-one deserves this. But I was already trapped in that dark spiral into the abyss of depression- and right now I couldn't see a way out. For me, there was no light at the end of the tunnel, no sign that there is still hope out there. I couldn't resist that urge anymore.

I shivered as I padded softly down the hall into the bathroom- being careful not to disturb Mr Schue who was asleep in his room. It was cold- very much so and I found myself shuddering violently again. I would have thought that all the disgusting fat on my body would keep me warm enough- but apparently not. At least I had my own clothes- Mr Schuester had been kind enough to take me back to my place to get some stuff; I did ask him why I couldn't just stay at my home, and he came up with the answer of him not wanting me to be alone right now. Bullshit. But it was January, so I wasn't surprised it was this cold. After all, we had already had several snow warnings for this area of Lima, and it wouldn't surprise me again if we got some snow. Once I had reached the bathroom, I quietly shut the door behind me as I turned on the light. It was a reasonably sized bathroom, and it had a large mirror... God I looked like an utter mess, I thought to myself as I gazed at my reflection. What had I become? Tears began to fall as I stared at myself, at my disgusting body. Dark shadows were under my eyes, I looked really pale and my collarbones were as sharp as ever. To any other person I would look extremely skinny- underweight- maybe even anorexic. But to me I was a fat mess. I could only ever notice the imperfections; that tiny bit of fat on me that would taunt me to further starve myself. Carefully, I lifted my top slightly. Rib bones, something I enjoyed being able to see, hipbones, something I also enjoyed being able to see. What on earth did I sound like? I sounded horrible that's what! It was disgusting what I was thinking- yet I would never want to stop- I would never want to gain weight. The thought of that terrified me. Even if I gained a few pounds I would freak out. My eyes finally ran over the scars and cuts on my stomach- in all honesty, these weren't as bad as the ones on my arms; they were just a little red. But they littered my stomach like fallen leaves litter the ground in autumn- they were everywhere. In a sick sadistic way I liked it. But that feeling was hard to explain.

I felt more tears fall onto my hands which caught the droplets of water. What Karofsky did today hurt me- it hurt me more than anyone could fathom. Those words; they still pierced me, and kept replaying in my mind like a broken record. So I did the only thing I knew would help me cope- I cut. Deep down I knew I shouldn't be doing this in my teacher's house- especially not when he was trying to help me like this. But I couldn't do it; I couldn't carry on without it. I needed it like we need to breathe air. It's no longer an option- it's a necessity. So I rolled up the loose sleeves all the way up to just below my shoulder. Mr Schuester had only bandaged my forearm- he hadn't even seen my upper arm. And what with my forearm bandaged- it was the only place I could cut. The skin there already bore the burden on some scars and the odd fresh cut- but I had never really cut much there; not that I knew why. I had self-harmed on my thighs, my legs, my stomach- but it was nice having fresh skin to do it on. God, once again I sounded absolutely horrible. Why would anyone want to be within a five mile radius of me?

Cut after cut, the blade cut deeper. Blood seeped from the self-inflicted wounds. It was a sight to behold; seeing the patterns of cuts and blood mark my skin gave me a sense of relief. It made everything seem okay for a while. If only for a short time...

Yet again, it wasn't long before alot of my upper arm was laden with fresh cuts; and I put the blade down to get a tissue. As I cleaned up the blood, I got a guilty feeling wash over me. I felt horrible, and once again I was questioning how I could do something like that in Mr Schuester's home. The tears that had dried up began to trickle down my cheeks once more as I burst out crying. I was a fat, disgusting, disappointing, messed-up, worthless, good-for-nothing failure.

I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts for the next minute that I hadn't been paying attention to much other than that. Therefore it came as a huge shock as I heard the bathroom door click open.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath. It all seemed to be in slow motion- one minute I was cleaning up blood, the next I was crying, and then the door was being opened. I violently jumped and hastily pulled my sleeves down before my teacher came in. SHIT! I hadn't honestly expected this to happen. God, I thought he would stay asleep. Maybe he would chuck me out- why would he want me to stay over now after I had just done that to him? I stared at him wide eyed as he tentatively walked into the bathroom- he seemed to have sensed that I didn't need to go toilet or anything...

But what surprised me most was how calm he was. There was no trace of anger or hatred in his gentle face; by now I should know that he would never hate me- but you could never be sure. Mr Schuester left the door wide open and he joined me in the bathroom, he sat on the edge of the bathtub next to me.

"Are you okay?" His soft question made me turn to look at him with more tears falling from my eyes. Out of everything he could have asked, he asked whether I was okay. I didn't expect that either. I shrugged slightly in response. I could tell he was a bit upset.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed quietly.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," He told me gently, "If I'm honest, I did expect this to happen..."

"You did?" I looked at him with confusion written on my face. He smiled slightly.

"After everything that's gone on today Casey, I had a feeling that it would overwhelm you and upset you to the point of this." Mr Schuester said honestly, "I would have been surprised if you didn't."

"So, you're not angry?" I asked incredulously.

"No Casey, I'm not angry," He smiled reassuringly at me, "I'm upset- but you can understand that I would be. But I am not angry at you. And before you ask it- I don't hate you either."

"You should hate me," I muttered, "I'm despicable, how can you tolerate me?"

"I don't hate you Casey and I'm never going to. I care about you too much." Mr Schuester sighed, thinking for a moment before asking: "How are you feeling?" Not wanting to reply, I shrugged.

"Casey please," he said again sounding really worried, "I want to help you- the only way I can is if you tell me how you're feeling and help me to understand more."

"No." I said, sadness creeping into my voice. It wasn't much in the way of an answer- but I didn't want to talk- I didn't want to tell him what's wrong- and I didn't want to tell him how I was feeling. Just by glancing at him I could see how worried he was; concern was written all over his face, his eyes were clouded over with worry, and he was frowning. He didn't seem to know what to do. Deciding that he would leave it for now, he instead asked:

"How bad are they?" I gave him a death glare. As if I was going to tell him how badly I had cut. "Sorry," he apologised, "I guess I'm just really worried, and I want to make sure they don't need tending to..."

"It doesn't need a bandage." I told him firmly, softening my gaze. I couldn't be angry at him- he only meant well.

"Are you sure?" He asked gently. I nodded.

"Look, if you don't mind, I'd like to go back to bed. I'm finally feeling tired," I murmured, "Maybe we can talk tomorrow or something if you're that bothered."

"Yeah of course, that's fine." He said gently, "Couldn't you get to sleep earlier?"

"No," I shook my head, "Thoughts were just going through my mind... I thought you were asleep?"

"I was," Mr Schuester said, "But I'm a light sleeper, and when I woke up I went to check on you and you weren't in your room- so I kind of guessed you'd be here."

"Fair enough," I whispered, "I really am sorry." I wiped away the tears.

"It's okay Casey," He smiled at me. "Come on; let's go back to bed huh? School tomorrow."

"Fun," I groaned, "But it's Friday so that's good."

"It is," he grinned.

Shortly after going back to bed I managed to fall asleep. I just was dreading to see what else the future holds for me...

**Author's note- oh wow, wrote 2000 words in an hour. Check me out! Please review- all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks to those who have read this!**


	15. Chapter 14

**Author's note- sorry I haven't updated for a bit- I just haven't had the time... But thank you all for the reviews! It means alot. Please enjoy. Oh, and I know the last chapter was very predictable; but it had to be done, it was something I wanted to write, and it showed more of the understanding and stuff.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything apart from Casey.**

Chapter 14

The morning of Friday came around and I found myself waking up after a peaceful night's sleep. The first thing I noticed? It was bloody freezing! I groaned as I sat up and sleepily rubbed my eyes. After blinking a few times, I tilted me head slightly to glance at the small clock on the bedside desk.

"What?!" I exclaimed loudly enough to startle myself as I read the time. It was currently reading: 9:46 am. As I stared at the clock, I realised with horror that I must be at least an hour late to school... but wait. Wouldn't Mr Schuester be at school? Oh god, now I was confused. Before it got any later, I flung myself out of bed and practically ran to the door as I began shivering again. I jogged down the hallway, Mr Schuester's bedroom door was open and he wasn't in there... So at a slower pace, I walked to the living room.

"Morning Casey." I jumped as I heard my teacher's voice. I turned to see him standing in the doorway of the kitchen in blue jeans and a black t-shirt. I stared at him- he wasn't even in his usual work attire.

"Uh, sir, we kind of have school... and it's kind of almost ten in the morning..." I said confused. He laughed. "Why are you laughing?"

"You haven't looked outside then?" He guessed, grinning. I frowned, but nonetheless I walked over to the window and drew back the curtains slightly.

"No way," I said my eyes wide as I stared outside. Mr Schuester chuckled and came up behind me, as we both looked out at the white landscape. Snow! Snow was everywhere.

"Schools been cancelled," Mr Schue informed me, "So I thought I'd let you lie in."

"It's cancelled? Fantastic!" I smiled happily.

"Yeah, there are a good couple of feet of snow."

"Well, in that case I'll go get changed into something warmer."

After I got changed into black jeans, and a Green Day hoodie- with a Green Day top on underneath- I walked back out to the lounge where Mr Schuester was sitting on the sofa marking test papers.

"Isn't that boring?" I asked as I sat down next to him. He glanced at me and smiled.

"In a way, I guess. But it's okay." He replied as he ticked things in a red ink. We sat in an awkwardly uncomfortable silence before he placed the last test paper down and turned to me. "Want to get some food?" I glared at him. What a bloody stupid question. With a sigh he said: "You need to keep on eating."

"You need to keep on minding your own business." I smiled angelically at him.

"Well I'm getting us food anyway." Mr Schuester said matter-of-factly. "And you are going to eat it." My mind was screaming: Do you want to die?! You are digging your own grave here Schuester. No. As much as I loved him, he was certainly not going to make me put food in my mouth, make me swallow it and feel it falling down my throat, and make me pile on the pounds as I gave into the hunger. I grinned: The hunger games, may the scales be ever in your favour. What a strange thing to think of, how sick must I be? I chastised myself mentally.

"No, I'm a disgusting fat pig who doesn't need to eat and gain those disgusting calories." Shit! I covered my mouth with my hands as I realised that I'd said that all aloud. Fuck. No. Oh god, what was I doing? I looked down at my lap, I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Is that what you really think of yourself Casey?" Mr Schuester said after a long pause- his gentle voice conveying worry and shock.

"I didn't mean to say that." My voice was barely a whisper.

"But you meant it," he said softly, "Casey, come on, look at me."

"No. Look, I'm a freak okay? Everyone already thinks that. It's best if you leave me alone, I shouldn't be bothering you anyways."

"Casey, I've already said you're not a bother at all!" I glanced once at him before standing up. "Where are you going?" He suddenly queried. Pissed off that he felt the need to question me- I snapped:

"Whoa okay, you're not my dad, so don't think that you have some crazy right to know what I'm doing every minute. It's none of your fucking business anyway. So just leave me alone!" And with that, I ran off to the bedroom I had been staying in on the second floor.

What the fuck was wrong with me? He hadn't done anything. It was my entire fault. I'd hurt him, like I hurt everyone. His face just before I left was one of hurt, sadness, worry and shock. No, just no. How could I be such a monster and do that to him? I swore at him for god's sake- he was only trying to help. Sighing angrily at myself, I grabbed my bad and shoved my stuff into it. I pulled my shoes on and did the laces up on them. I stood, and bit my lip before diving into my bad where I withdrew my newest and sharpest blade. Smiling as it glinted; I put it in my jean's pocket and shouldered my bag. But I stopped; I couldn't walk out the front door, he would notice, maybe he would hear me... Aw shit. I cursed under my breath as I paced a little. Glancing sideways at the window, I toddled over to it. There was no way I'd be able to get down there quickly enough. While I contemplated what to do, I ended up grabbing my notebook and a pen from out of my bag. In my somewhat neat calligraphy, I penned a note to my teacher. It read:

Mr Schuester,

I'm sorry. I truly am. I had no right to say that to you, and I had no right to hurt you like that. You were only trying to help- but I'm sorry. I just seem to mess up everyone's lives- so it's better off if I'm not here. Thanks for trying though. It's more than anyone else has ever even thought of doing. And it has meant alot to me- I'm just sorry I disappointed you.

Thank you for everything.

Love,

Casey

By the time I had finished writing, tears were already beginning to fall. I placed the note on my bed before going to the bedroom door, no-one was outside, and so I cracked it open slightly. I couldn't see anyone either. Taking a chance, I swiftly walked out of the bedroom and into the hallway. I froze as I heard a soft hum from downstairs. In ninja mode, I descended to the hallway; as I peeked round an open door, I could see Mr Schuester. He was in another, small room, quite far away from me. He was humming along to a tune that was blasting out loudly from a hi-fi set. It was loud enough so that he wouldn't hear me leave. Yes!

With a final glance at him, I creeped towards the door, hesitating before I opened it and ventured out into the land of snow.

Thank fuck I had worn several layers, I thought to myself as soon as I stepped outside. From my teacher's position in the house, he wouldn't be able to see me leave if I moved to the far left of his driveway- where I could walk behind his car- and go off down the road. With a sigh, I made my way off his property and onto the pavement, where I continued walking. I shuddered violently, my breath coming out in greyish clouds as I just walked. The snow was thick- deep- and there was no ice yet. Alot of it was untouched, as it wasn't that late in the day yet. I laughed out loud slightly at the deserted street. I didn't even know where I was going. How stupid can you get? I could have easily topped myself in his house. But I didn't. Why? Because I'd already hurt him enough, and I wasn't going to do that to him.

After what felt like hours, I stumbled across a park. It looked fairly big, with several play areas, lakes and some forest like areas. It was a good a place as any- and on the plus side it looked like no-one had even been here today. Trudging through the snow, I made my way through the picnic area into a more forest like, secluded place. I stopped; leaning against a tree I sighed and closed my eyes. The bitter cold pinched and stung my face like a thousand bees- but it couldn't break the utter serenity of the moment. To think that I had come here to kill myself was an absolutely horrible thought. But I liked it here. It was peaceful, serene, and happy- everything my life wasn't. Slowly, I sat down and gazed at the landscape. From my pocket I took out my blade. A tear escaped my eye as I pressed it against my neck. I closed my eyes and slashed across. Everything faded. All the pain... gone.


	16. Chapter 15

**Author's note- A massive thank you to anyone who has reviewed, favourited or followed this story! Cannot believe I have 50 reviews on here; it means so much to me and I love you all! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm not sure where I'm heading with Casey just yet by the way. Also, take a listen to the Asking Alexandria song mentioned in here- it's called Someone somewhere and it's amazing! And you must listen to the My Chemical Romance song Welcome to the Black Parade!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing apart from the story line and Casey. **

**Oh before I start. This chapter is in Mr Schuester's point of view!**

Chapter 15 (Will Schuester's P.O.V)

With a heavy heart filled with sadness and pain, I watched Casey run up the stairs. I knew I had perhaps over stepped the mark slightly by asking her where she was going- but I honestly hadn't meant to interrogate her. I was just worried. It hurt me that she was so troubled and upset- but I wasn't sure how I could help her. But at the same time, she refused to go see a counsellor... so I really didn't know where to go from here. One thing I knew for sure was that I couldn't let her live on her own; I know she doesn't want a foster family or whatever- but she is a huge danger to herself on her own- with no-one to save her but herself. And I didn't want to lose her.

Who was I kidding? I'm her teacher. Should I really want to get so involved? My head said no- but my heart said yes. I had to get involved because I loved her and didn't want to see her hurt. Oh great, now I was beginning to sound like a pervert preying on a vulnerable girl. No, that wasn't the case. I love her like I love all of my Glee kids- like a daughter- like part of my family. Whether she even sort of like me or not though was another thing; but judging by what just happened- I didn't think I was her favourite person in the world right now... And that fact hurt. All I wanted to do was help- but I couldn't even do that right.

Deciding to make myself useful, I walked into the back room to look for the rest of the tests I had to mark. On my way there, I switched on the stereo; I stopped and closed my eyes as I listened to the tune that played. It wasn't the sort of band that I would usually listen to- but I couldn't deny, that this song was amazing. It was a song called Someone Somewhere by Asking Alexandria; usually the band is more screamo I guess, but this song wasn't really- it had the most meaningful lyrics and I loved it. I started to hum softly to the lyrics as they blasted loudly out of the speakers. They actually reminded me of Casey:

"Even though I'm on my own, I know I'm not alone. Cause I knows there's someone somewhere, praying that I make it home. So here's one from the heart, my life right from the start. I need a home sweet home, to call my own." I closed my eyes and hummed, losing myself in the song. The drums, the guitar, the lyrics; music was my life. But I still couldn't stop thinking about Casey. There's so much wrong with her, and I just wanted to make things right- but I was just her teacher. I was just a teacher who shouldn't be sticking his nose in other people's business. I hadn't had any training as a counsellor- so how on earth was I supposed to help my student? Casey had no family. She was on her own- she had no one close to her praying that she'd make it home. Before now, she could have killed herself and no one would have known- barely anyone would have cared. But that's changed. I care; I want to make sure she's safe. The music came to a sudden stop, and the next track played. It was a My Chemical Romance song- Welcome to the Black Parade. Why was it that all of the songs that reminded me of Casey decided to play today; was it fate? I laughed aloud. For several minutes I stood there, just letting the MCR song wash over me; I listened to the lyrics with a tear in my eye. As the drum beat came to an abrupt end, I turn the stereo off. With my hand, I wiped away the tears forming in my eyes. How had I come to care for this girl so much over the space of a few days? I couldn't sit back and watch her get worse.

Glancing at the clock, I noted that it had been quite a while since Casey had run up into the bedroom. Deciding that it was time to talk, I trudged up the stairs and grabbed a warmer jacket- as it was beginning to get very cold. Wrapping it tight around my frozen body, I sigh and knocked on the closed door.

"Casey?" I called softly. No reply. Not a single sound. Frowning I said her name again: "Casey?" Still I got no reply. Dammit, I thought to myself- she could have done anything while on her own. Without thinking, I reached for the door handle and yanked it open. I stood there wide eyed. The bedroom was empty. Shit! Where the hell was she? I began panicking. "Casey!" I called out her name loudly. No reply. Running into the bedroom, I caught sight of a piece of paper on the bed. Oh please don't tell me that is what I think it is. With shaking hands, I picked it up and read with teary eyes:

Mr Schuester,

I'm sorry. I truly am. I had no right to say that to you, and I had no right to hurt you like that. You were only trying to help- but I'm sorry. I just seem to mess up everyone's lives- so it's better off if I'm not here. Thanks for trying though. It's more than anyone else has ever even thought of doing. And it has meant alot to me- I'm just sorry I disappointed you.

Thank you for everything.

Love,

Casey

As soon as I read the letter I swore:

"Fuck." I had neglected to even notice that she had left the house? How irresponsibly stupid was I to do this? Pocketing the note, I dashed down stairs. I had no clue what to do. How was I to know where she had gone? The only thing I could think to do was call her mobile- I had gotten her number last night, so I grabbed me mobile, and dialled her number. Holding it to my head, all I could hear was it ringing just once before it went onto voicemail. Shit. For all I knew, Casey could have gotten into serious trouble. She could be dead... No! I refused to think that. The number I dialled next was Emma's. She'd know what to do.

"Hello?" She picked up on the first ring.

"Thank god Emma, it's Will," I said quickly.

"Will what's happened? Are you okay? You sound worried."

"It's Casey."

"Casey Wilde?" Emma queried.

"Yes, look, I don't have time to explain right now, but she stayed round mine last night. And she's just suddenly left- and I found this note on the bed. And I don't know what to do. I need your help Emma, she could be dead."

"Will calm down, it's only snowing, she won't be dead," Emma sounded confused.

"No! You don't understand! She's really suicidal Emma! Look please, help me." I pleaded.

"Okay Will, I'm on my way right now- I'll be with you in a few minutes." She hung up.

For those several minutes I paced around- I didn't know what to do with myself. As soon as Emma knocked, I let her inside and... I had to explain the situation. I knew Casey didn't want anyone knowing- but I had to tell Emma. I told her briefly about everything- the self harm, the starving, the bulimia, and about her parents. I also showed her the note.

"Look, we need to go find her." I ended.

"But Will, what if she just wanted some space and fresh air to clear her head?" Emma suggested.

"No. If she wanted that, she wouldn't have left a note and taken all her things and she would have told me." I rubbed my forehead, "We need to go find her- I can't let her die." I didn't leave room for her to even try to persuade me that she would be okay. Instead, moments later, I found myself outside standing next to Emma in the deep snow.

"Where could she have gone?" I whispered. Emma didn't reply, I glanced at her and saw that she was looking rather pensive. "What are you thinking?" I asked hopefully.

"This snow is practically untouched. Hardly anyone has walked by, and there are footprints there." I looked to where she was pointed; sure enough there were some trails of footprints.

"They could be anyone's though." I muttered.

"But they leave from your driveway. They aren't that old either. Look Will, it's worth a shot, we might as well follow them as they could be our only hope."

These were the times I was glad to have her as a friend. Together, side by side, we trekked off through the white covered land- following the remains of footprints. We set off at a brisk walk, we couldn't waste time. But I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that said we were too late. I just hoped it wasn't true.

"This is ridiculous," I murmured after ten minutes. "I know we haven't been walking that long- but where on earth are we going?" Emma shrugged:

"We can't lose hope William, we have to keep on trying."

"But what if she needs to go to the hospital? An ambulance won't get here fast enough."

"Will you can't think like that, we will cross that bridge when we get to it... If we get to it."

For a little while longer we walked, and with each footstep, I began to lose a little more hope.

"The footprints lead into the park," I whispered.

"Then let's go." I followed Emma. If it wasn't for her, I would have given up following these footprints ages ago. I made a mental note to get her something nice.

Into the park we walked- following our last shred of hope into what appeared to be a secluded forest type area. What we both saw made our eyes widen in pure horror as I ran over to the lifeless body in the blood stained snow. Where was the hope now?


	17. Chapter 16

**Author's note- sorry I haven't updated for a while. I've been awfully busy with school work... Anyways, I hope you like this chapter! Oh, me and my friend have made a song and we've put it on youtube. It could go with this fairly well. I'll post a link to it on my bio/profile if you want to listen! I wrote the lyrics, and my friend is on the beautiful vocals (she is so talented) and Grant Wilson owns the piano music.**

**Disclaimer- I own nada :)**

Chapter 16 (Will Schuester's P.O.V)

"Oh god! Casey! Casey can you hear me?!" My voice was panicked. No! I couldn't lose her! How could I have let this happen? Pressing two fingers into the inside of her wrist, I felt for a pulse. After a moment of absolutely nothing- I felt my heart drop. "You are not going to fucking die on me Casey! I won't let you!" Next to me, Emma bent down and began checking the cut on her neck with wide eyes. Almost immediately she opened the bag she had brought along and retrieved some tissues. Emma then pressed them into the neck in an attempt to staunch the flow of blood. It wasn't long before the tissues were soaked with red though. No, no, no, no, no. No! "Please Casey," my broken voice was barely a whisper. "You have to stay strong." I felt a tear trickled down my cheek, "You have to keep fighting. Because in the end- it will be much better than this; and it's not the end yet!" I took a shaky breath, "Keep your heart beating!" Another precious minute went by in which I got nothing but the response of silence. I could feel the hope slowly begin to die and fade- like the last leaf of autumn as it slowly falls to the ground as its life is ended. This was like some scene out of a really bad movie. It was all in slow motion. Nothing felt real anymore. It felt like it was a lie- like this wasn't the present. But in reality it was the painful truth of life. In my chest, my heart hammered. I could see Emma say something- but I couldn't hear the words. It was like I wasn't even alive. I was barely breathing. I couldn't focus. I couldn't see anything but the darkness. How could I love her so much after only knowing her for so little? It was surely a miracle. But yet, her life was being snatched from her before she even had the chance to live.

If I could turn back time, oh how I'd change everything. Maybe I could be able to save her. But what use was I now? I was barely coherent- whereas Emma was doing all she could. What was wrong with me? How could I not have the strength to snap out of it and help? But I could feel her scarred wrist under my fingers- and that was enough to make me realise how shit her life had been. No-one had been there for her when she needed them the most. And perhaps I came along just a little too late. I'd already given up. For some reason Emma had started chest compressions; but what would be the point? Casey was already dead.

Hope was dead.

Wait! What the hell was I even thinking? No! Snap out of it Schuester, your student needs you. I need my student. No, you know what? I wasn't going to bloody well give up! I wasn't going to let this life fade before me and let myself do absolutely nothing as I stood by and watched her die. No. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. There is always hope. Because in the end it will be okay, and if it's not okay- it's not the end. Never give up! Never give up that hope!

Everything was coming into focus- I could feel myself breathe- I could feel the blood pump in my veins; I could feel my heart beat. I was alive- more so than ever. And I was going to make sure it wasn't just me who stayed alive.

"Emma! Call nine one one!" I yelled at her as she stopped her chest compressions, "Quickly!" She complied. Taking her place, I laced my fingers together as I knelt beside my young student.

"I'm gonna save you Casey. Just trust me." I whispered. Placing my hands on her sternum, I began firm chest compressions. After thirty compressions, I pinched her nose and opened her mouth. I took a deep breath before covering her mouth with mine- I gave her two swift breaths. I then repeated the process.

Casey's life was in my hands. And in that moment when I covered her mouth with mine- I felt as though it was all going to be okay. We can get through this. The tides may be high- but our heads are still above the waves. We can still survive. With hope filling my heart, I did my best to save the girl who I had come to care so much for.

"An ambulance is on its way," Emma informed me as she went back to staunching the blood. I said nothing- I just nodded. I was too intent on focussing on Casey. After two times of doing CPR, I checked for Casey's pulse in her wrist again. I closed my eyes and prayed. For the first time in ages, I prayed. I pressed the inside of her wrist lightly, and waited with closed eyes. Mere seconds went by. My eyes flashed open and a grin spread on my face as a felt a faint thump on my fingers. Another few seconds confirmed a faint but fairly steady pulse!

"Yes Casey! That's it!" I returned to giving her just breaths- as she no longer needed compressions. I was worried though- she hadn't been breathing or her heart beating for a while. What if she had brain damage? Suddenly I wasn't sure about everything. But all I could do now was hope. Hope was all I had left.

It felt like an eternity, a slow, scary eternity before the paramedics arrived. I could hear sirens and rapid footfalls and Emma led them to where we were. I stood up and reluctantly moved out of their way as they checked her over.

"She didn't have a pulse when we got here," I informed them, "Emma attempted to staunch the flow of blood and I gave her compressions and breath. We managed to get a weak but steady pulse."

"Okay, thank you, we need to get her back to the ambulance and to the hospital quickly." A male paramedic said as they put Casey on a stretcher. We ran after them to where the vehicle awaited with its blue lights flashing bright.

"There's only room for one more to ride in the back." He said as they loaded the unconscious teenager into the back of the van.

"You go Will; I'll follow in my car." Emma said, I nodded and said 'thank you' before Emma went off. I jumped into the back with the two paramedics and Casey. They began work on her as we moved at a fast pace to the hospital. They gave her oxygen and set her up on a drip as they worked on her neck. I have to recall what had happened. It hurt to have to recall it all- but it had to be done. With my fingers crossed, I kept praying and hoping that Casey would come out of this stronger than ever before. But I could only hope...


	18. Chapter 17

**Author's note- Sorry I haven't updated for a bit, I've had alot of things on. Hope you enjoy this anyways and thanks for the continued support!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing.**

Chapter 17 (Will Schuester's point of view)

Back and forth, back and forth. Glance at my watch. Then repeat the process. Back and forth, back and forth. Another hour goes by... that makes three in total. I alternate between sitting with my head in my hand and pacing. Emma doesn't know what to say to me anymore, she keeps saying that everything will be okay. That she will bounce back. What are the chances? After what must have been my hundredth time pacing, I sat down, and put my head in my hands.

"Will, get some rest," Emma told me.

"No, it's the middle of the afternoon- I don't need rest." I mumble back. I attempt to stifle a yawn but gloriously fail. Emma smiled gently at me.

"You've been through alot today. Just close your eyes. I'll wake you up if I hear anything."Emma said as she rubbed my shoulder.

"Okay," I gave in easily. To tell the truth, I was bloody exhausted. A couple of minutes sleep couldn't do any harm... Leaning against the chair in a more comfortable position, I let my eyes begin to droop and the darkness creep in, as I let my body rest.

"Will. Will!" I awake slowly as Emma shakes me slightly. I glance at the clock and with wide eyes note that I have been asleep for two hours.

"Oh god Emma, I didn't mean to sleep that long," I muttered, my body wide awake. Looking around the waiting room, I note that we are the only ones in there.

"You needed the rest," She told me.

"Heard any news?" I ask.

"Not yet, we should get some soon though." We waited in silence for a little while- ten minutes to be exact. I had zoned out. My mind kept flashing back to seeing Casey laying on the red stained snow- a cut on her neck- her body still as her life began to slip away. Before my thoughts got any more graphic I was brought back to the present as I heard the sound of a door open. With hope in my heart I looked up to see a male doctor walking towards us. Maybe this was the end of all the pain? Maybe they had managed to make things go right?

"For Casey Wilde?" The doctor said to us. Both Emma and I jumped up.

"Yes, I'm Will Schuester, Casey's teacher- and this is Emma Pillsbury the school's guidance counsellor," I said.

"Nice to meet you both. I'm Doctor Carson; I'm the doctor that worked on Casey when she was brought in." The doctor seemed a little saddened, "Where is her family?"

"I think I've explained to one of the nurses that she has no family. She stayed with me last night after an incident in school." I informed him. Taking a deep breath I gathered the courage to ask- "What's happened doctor? How is she? She's gonna be okay right? Just a little blood loss and stitches."

"Mr Schuester, there's not an easy way to say this. But, Casey suffered severe blood loss. She deeply cut a major artery and her heart gave out again. We were unable to save her." Doctor Carson looked at us with sympathy in his eyes. I gaped at him. Emma gasped with shock beside me. I felt my legs go weak and I sat down before they buckled. With my face in my hands, I felt the tears fall. They fell onto my lap. Time had stood still, my heart tore in two. Hope wasn't gone; hope was dead.

"She can't be gone," I whispered.

"I'm very sorry," Dr Carson murmured.

"I want to see her," I said as I wiped my eyes and looked at them.

"Are you sure that's a good idea..." Emma began.

"No, I have to say goodbye... I need to see her. Please." I begged with the doctor as I stood up. He glanced at me and sighed- but he nodded nonetheless. He turned to look at Emma:

"Do you want to see her?" He asked her softly.

"No," Emma whispered as tears formed in her own eyes, "I can't." We nodded in understanding.

"If you could wait here for a moment Mr Schuester, a nurse will be in to take you to see Casey," Doctor Carson said, his voice was professionally gentle. I nodded at him as he walked back through the doors.

I just stood there, unable to grasp the fact that she was gone. I wasn't even sure why I wanted to see her again... maybe for my own closure. But what good would that do now? I was already hurt. It was my fault she was dead. Everything was my fault. I had let her life fade, and I should have spotted it sooner. Weeks ago I should have recognised the warning signs of eating disorders, self harm and suicide. But no. I did nothing. And I had lost someone I loved and cared for because of it. I heard Emma come up to me and felt her arms wrap around me in a warm embrace- I returned it as I felt her body rack with sobs underneath me. There were no words of comfort either of us could say. We both knew we had failed her. We broke apart and I gave her a very weak smile- which she returned. My head turned sharply towards the door as a young nurse came in:

"Mr Schuester, if you still want to, you can come back with me," she said.

"Okay," I started to move towards her.

"Are you sure Will?" Emma asked before I went.

"I want to do this."

The room was small and filled with hospital equipment; but it was peaceful. Serene. An odd way of describing a hospital room I know- but I felt relaxed. My heart was heavy with sadness as I saw the blank screen of a heart monitor- it brought me back to the painful reality of the situation. The nurse gave me a small smile and said: "Take your time," before she left me alone. And I was, truly alone. For the first time I let my eyes drift to the bed. A white sheet was draped over Casey's body, covering all the scars, covering everything... apart from her face. I drew in a sharp intake of breath, and I felt my heart drop as I stared wide eyed at her. It really was her. She was really gone. I had it in my mind that any moment she'd come back, a sparkle in her eye, ready to belt out a tune to sing. But no- here she lay with a huge angry cut on her neck.

Taking a deep breath, I sat in the chair beside her bed. I carelessly brushed a strand of hair away from her face.

"Oh Casey, I'm so sorry." I murmured to her- not that she could even hear me. "I should have done more. I should have been there." Silence. "Dammit Casey! Since when did you mean so much to me?" Casey offered me no answers. "I'm just sorry..." my voice was barely a whisper. I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears trickled down my tired face. "I tried my best to save you." I wiped each one away. "I hope you can forgive me." She gave me no consolation. I stood up- I couldn't stay here- not with the person who I'd failed. With quick footsteps, I reached the door. But I paused- I don't know why. I looked back. She was broken. I shook my head and brushed my face to rid myself of the tears that kept threatening to fall.

"Goodbye Casey." I murmured to her before I walked out.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

"Will. Will!" I awake slowly as Emma shakes me slightly. I glance at the clock and with wide eyes note that I have been asleep for two hours.

"Oh god Emma, I didn't mean to sleep that long," I muttered, my body wide awake. Looking around the waiting room, I note that we are the only ones in there.

"You needed the rest," She told me.

"Heard any news?" I ask.

"Not yet, we should get some soon though." We waited in silence for a little while- ten minutes to be exact. I had zoned out. My mind kept flashing back to seeing Casey laying on the red stained snow- a cut on her neck- her body still as her life began to slip away. Before my thoughts got any more graphic I was brought back to the present as I heard the sound of a door open. With hope in my heart I looked up to see a male doctor walking towards us. Maybe this was the end of all the pain? Maybe they had managed to make things go right?

"For Casey Wilde?" The doctor said to us. Both Emma and I jumped up.

"Yes, I'm Will Schuester, Casey's teacher- and this is Emma Pillsbury the school's guidance counsellor," I said.

"Nice to meet you both. I'm Doctor Carson; I'm the doctor that worked on Casey when she was brought in." The doctor seemed a little saddened, "Where is her family?"

"I think I've explained to one of the nurses that she has no family. She stayed with me last night after an incident in school." I informed him. I frowned in confusion as a sudden sense of extreme déjà vu washed over me. "Is she dead?" I suddenly blurted out. "Oh god she is isn't she?" The doctor stared at me with confused eyes- but he said nothing on my strange outburst.

"She's not dead Mr Schuester," He told me, "But she suffered severe blood loss. We had to give her several transfusions, and a few stitches on her neck, and we had to restart her heart with the defibrillator once- but she is alive. Casey is a fighter- and a very lucky kid."

"She's alive?" I asked wide eyed. She was alive? She was freaking alive?!

"Yes Mr Schuester," The doctor said, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fantastic thanks," I grinned as a sudden surge of happiness coursed through me. I knew it! I knew she'd be okay. Maybe things were finally starting to look up. "Can I see her?"

"Yes of course," Dr Carson laughed slightly at my obviously thrilled reaction. "I'll send a nurse through shortly, if you'd like to wait here for a moment that would be great." I nodded as he smiled at us just before he walked back through the doors.

"Emma, she's okay," I said to her as I sat back down, a relieved smile plastered on my face.

"She is," Emma patted my shoulder, "I knew she would be. What had you so worried?"

"I'm not really sure," I admitted sheepishly, "A dream I suppose." She just nodded at me as we waited for the nurse to come through. She was alive. Casey was alive. That meant that hope was alive.


	19. Chapter 18

**Author's note- I apologise for how long this has taken to get up- but I've recently moved house and therefore I haven't had any broadband for a week or so. But I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you so much for bearing with me! **

**Disclaimer- I own nothing apart from my new bedroom. I also own my coffee and biscuits which I will go and make in a moment.**

Chapter 18 (Casey's P.O.V)

Darkness. An ever swirling mist of darkness. Bitter and mysterious. A black colour that you could almost call calming, welcoming, could you call it death? What is death like? How can you know if you're dead? I don't know the answers. And those that do know the answers have no way of telling us. Death. A bittersweet though. A place with no rules or regulations; a place where you no longer have to fight the battle of life. There is no pain, but there is also no hope. What can come of death? Such important questions whose answers are a lifetime away.

But I don't know where I am.

I know I cut my neck- that much I definitely remember. But I remember hearing voices... voices I recognise. Ha. Mr Schuester. Why would he have even wanted to come find me? What would be the point when I'd already hurt him enough? He was better off without me; I would only screw his life up. But a part of me hoped that it was him who came- whose voice I heard. I guess I just wanted to feel wanted and maybe even loved. I hadn't felt that way in a long time, not since my parents died. But he was my teacher; yet he was the only adult who had given two shits about me for a long time. In the past couple of days, he has done more for me than anyone has in the course of my life. He's put up with me, and put up with all my stupidness. And he has never judged me- no matter what I've told him. In a completely strange way... I almost loved him... Yeah, I didn't really understand that fact myself, but I do.

And that still leads me to my question of- what the hell has happened?

I attempted suicide; but I have a feeling that I didn't succeed. But maybe I'm glad I'm not dead, maybe I changed my mind when it was too late. Everything was slowly coming into focus. The room I was in smelled clean- very clean. I could distinctly smell disinfectant. It smelt like a hospital. Well that would definitely mean I was alive.

My hearing was fuzzy- muffled voices sounded all around me, murmurs and soft voices that were familiar and strange. They were getting clearer- like a badly tuned radio finding the correct frequency. I could make out the one voice that made me happy to be alive. William Schuester.

"When will she wake up?" He asked in an anxious tone.

"Very soon Mr Schuester," A kind sounding nurse answered him, "When she's ready she will wake."

"Calm down Will, she's going to be okay. Everything will be okay- you can do this." That voice was Miss Pillsbury's! I didn't expect her to be here. But she was friends with Mr Schue, so maybe he wanted her here. In the background were some beeping noises from what I guessed was machinery monitoring my vitals. Beep. Beep. I groaned aloud. The room went silent apart from the continuous beeping.

"Casey?" Mr Schue's voice was beside me, "Casey can you hear me?" The dark fog in my mind was slowly becoming brighter. The blackness fading into grey, until I cracked my eyes open a fraction. I squinted as a blinding bright light hit me, I moaned softly again and waited a moment for my eyes to adjust to the level of lighting. Once I could see again, I realised that I was laying down on a hospital bed with Miss Pillsbury and Mr Schuester on my right, and a nurse and a doctor on my left. I attempted to quickly sit up, but my head span and a dizzy feeling washed over me as I almost collapsed back onto the pillows.

"Take it easy Casey," Miss Pillsbury said as the nurse helped me into a sitting position. The room was painted a serene green colour that was almost quite a calming colour.

"How are you feeling Miss Wilde?" A young male doctor asked me. For a few seconds I stared at him before rubbing my eyes.

"I feel fine," I mumbled quietly. Everyone watched me carefully as though I was about to spontaneously combust at any moment.

"Casey," The doctor addressed me again, "Do you know why you are in hospital?"

"Yep," I replied. "I cut my neck."

"A suicide attempt?"

"Yes... well no..." I frowned, "At the time I wanted to die, but now... I'm kinda glad I didn't." The doctor nodded and kept asking me questions which I answered without really thinking about them. By the sounds of it, Mr Schuester had told them everything. He had told them about the bulimia, and the self harm, and... He had told them about my parents.

"I don't want to be here," I said as the doctor finished scribbling stuff down on his clipboard charts.

"What do you mean Casey?" The doctor- who was called Dr Patterson- queried.

"I mean, I don't want to be in hospital." I told him.

"You have to stay in here for a couple of days for suicide watch." He informed me.

"Why?" I said annoyed, "It's not like I'm going to try again! And even if I did, I'm not gonna be able to do it here anyways. But I won't do that because I don't want to die."

"It's a precaution," Dr Patterson reasoned, "And we'll have a therapist in to talk to you. We did want to admit you to the psychiatric ward- but that's not going to happen now."

"Thank god it's not gonna happen," I murmured quietly, "Why won't it?"

"Mr Schuester didn't think it would be in your best interests right now," he said, "But I'm not discharging you for another three days." I sighed at the grin on the doctor's face.

"Sure thing doc," I muttered.

"You'll be checked on by various staff during the day including nurses, me and a therapist," Dr Patterson told me kindly, "But if you want food or drink, just ask. The remote control for the TV is on the table beside you. Any questions?"

"Nope," I mumbled. Mr Schuester said no as well. The doctor gave us a small smile before he left. Miss Pillsbury muttered something about getting a drink for everything before leaving herself.

My teacher and I sat in silence for a while, neither of us knowing what to say. I glanced sideways at his worried face and I felt a tear trickled down my cheek. I was overwhelmed to say the least; everything that had happened had all just overwhelmed me. Mr Schuester saw that I was crying and he got up to sit on the bed next to me. He wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulder and rubbed my arm gently.

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed as I leaned into his warm chest.

"Hey now, its okay, you have nothing to apologise for," He murmured as he wrapped me in his embrace.

"Yes I do, I shouldn't have run out like that or cut my neck. Now look where I am." I buried my face in his shirt, "I don't know what to do anymore."

"I have something to tell you," Mr Schue suddenly said. Now my curiosity was piqued.

"What is it?" I asked quietly once I had stopped crying.

"Well, it's really up to you, I mean, I'd love it... but I don't really know what you'd think of it. I mean, I am your teacher and it's only been a recent thing and..." He carried on babbling nervously.

"You may as well spit it out," I told him jokingly as I pulled away to look at him. He gazed at me nervously with a small smile on his face.

"Well, Casey," He took a deep breath, "I was wondering if you wanted to come and live with me properly?"


	20. Chapter 19

**Author's note- I know, I'm awful, I haven't updated in forever. I'm so sorry, I really am, and I've been distracted and busy. I promise to be better! Wow 70 reviews on this story... thank you all so much! You have no idea how much it all means to me. I love you all! This chapter is kind of a strange one that is more of a filler than anything as I couldn't think of how to do the next part. I do know where this is going though! Hope you enjoy my little truth seekers!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing apart from my computer. **

Chapter 19

It all took me back to the good old days, before I self harmed. I was quiet, very much so, but I wasn't as depressed as I was now. I remember the first few times I met Mr Schuester...

I was looking at the notice board, for the list to sign up for the Glee club. I had picked up the pen when a young teacher came over. Looking up as he approached, I took in his appearance. He was good looking, with slightly curly brown hair and green eyes that seemed to sparkle. A warm smile was fixed on his young face, and he wore a blue dress shirt with khaki trousers. He was tall and slim and couldn't have been much older than twenty five.

"Hey," he had said, "You're signing up for Glee?" He seemed fairly surprised as the Glee club wasn't exactly popular.

"Uh, yeah," I blushed, "Well, I like singing alot and dancing... so I thought it would be kinda fun."

"Oh excellent," the teacher smiled even more, "I'm Mr Schuester by the way; the Glee club director."

"I'm Casey Wilde," I introduced myself and gave him a tentative smile. "When do I have to audition?"

That was the first time I felt like I would belong. I felt like Glee would be somewhere that I would fit in, where I would make friends. But from the first time I had met Mr Schue we had formed a very good bond. I guess you could say we were friends. I trusted him, and I never have trusted easily, but he would often ask how I was doing. He cared more than anyone else ever had. It may sound strange... but he was one of the closest friends I ever had; not that I would tell anyone that. I mean, what would they think? A student being good friends with a teacher; rumours would be sure to spread like wildfire. And above all, he accepted me- so far he has never judged me or left me; through it all he has stuck by my side. However, the thing that scared me most was the thought of leaving school- and leaving the one person who I trusted the most. I didn't want to lose my friend. I didn't want to lose Mr Schuester. But it was pretty much inevitable, I could visit him- but it wouldn't be the same.

But now I have the chance to change that. I could be with him. I wouldn't have to leave.

Deep in the back of my mind I wanted to be with him, in what way? I'm not really sure. I guess I've come to love him through it all. When someone doesn't judge you and still loves you even though you are as much trouble as me, you end up loving them and appreciating them that little bit more. But in what way do I love him? My emotions now are haywire. My thoughts aren't straight right now. My life is a complete mess. But the one thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to be with him.

They say you always remember the first cut. It stays in your mind. Looking back I almost do regret it, but if I didn't do it then how would I be able to cope now? I remember holding that blade- I had broken a razor. It felt cool and sharp in my palm, and the silver metal glinted when the light hit it. My heart was beating a million miles a minute as I brought the blade to my forearm. A short spurt of adrenaline coursed through me as I pressed the metal into my skin and swiftly dragged it across. The cut was very shallow- just a little more than a scratch- but I watch two bubbles of blood surface and trickle very slightly. It was mesmerising and beautiful. And I remember feeling disgusted with myself. What had I done? What sort of person was I? But above all, I just felt sad. The razor fell from my weak grip and dropped to the floor where I sat with my knees drawn up. Burying my tired face in my hands I just sat there and cried. Letting all the pent up emotions flow from my arm and eyes.

In a way I wanted to recover. But in a way I didn't. It was the only thing keeping me sane- so what would happen when it was taken from me? I didn't even want to think about that. I had the chance to change things whenever I wanted to- and I had Mr Schuester to support me no matter what my decision may be. I would do it for him. I would try. But right now I couldn't. I just wanted to feel the blade again and forget how much worry and pain I had put him through.

Bringing myself back to the present, I continued to stare at him with what must have been a look of pure surprise written all over my face. We were both silent. His question still lingered in the air as I attempted to process what he had just said. He couldn't be serious could he? But as I gazed into his concerned but yet loving green eyes, I realised that he was more than serious. Mr Schuester suddenly looked worried that he had said something bad and he was about to speak- but I covered his mouth with my hand before he had a chance to. I took a deep breath. He wanted me to live with him. That statement shocked me. After everything I had put him through he wanted me to live with him? I didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve a screw up like me to pester him. But he removed my hand from his face and held it in his as he stroked it, giving me time to think about what he had just proposed. I ran a hand through my hair as my face suddenly split into a wide, happy grin. I felt alive, more so than ever, and happy... happy... a foreign emotion to me; but I truly was. My eyes continued to gaze into his- and I noticed he now looked hopeful. I opened my mouth, and in a truly excited tone I said:

"I'd love to!"


	21. Chapter 20

**Author's note- thank you for all the lovely reviews, they really mean alot to me and I can't believe people actually like my story! Thanks guys! I hope you enjoy this. Oh, by the way, I don't plan for this story to be over soon- this is one of them stories that I don't want to end quickly. Casey's problems won't be magically better over night in real life- so why should they be magically better in a fanfiction? So, plenty of chapters to come!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing apart from Casey and the story line.**

Chapter 20 (can you believe we are up to chapter 20? Wow!)

Shut up, you're boring me now. Jeez would you give it a rest? I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone. When will you just shut up? Get out and leave me in peace. Yawn. No, I'm not going to talk to you and it's pretty obvious why. No I'm not going to talk about self harm. Or how skinny I am. Or about throwing up. Or about suicide. You're wasting your time. Yes I will stare blankly into space and ignore you. Maybe I'll want to talk next time? Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Are you having a laugh? I'm not going to spill my secrets to you or anyone else at the present time. Yes I do think it's a good idea that you leave even though I'm not going to voice that thought. Oh you're leaving so soon? Finally!

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow Casey," Mike- my counsellor- said. I stared at nothing, pretending he wasn't talking. When he left I heaved a huge sigh of relief and rubbed my forehead. How could he be so cheerful even though he was talking to himself the whole time? Wow, what a fun job to have. I knew that ignoring him like that was rude, but I really wasn't in the mood to spill all of my darkest secrets to a complete stranger who I had only just met today. In fairness, he did seem like a nice guy, but I wasn't much of a talker- especially not about my problems. And as I refused to get out of my room to see him, the hospital decided to send him to me to make me more comfortable. I sighed, earlier I had seen my psychiatrist who had prescribed me anti-depressants, that was just as fun. I only had two more days till I got out of this hell hole though and I was anxiously anticipating it.

I was bored. I just wanted to leave this place and go to Glee club. It was Saturday, shouldn't I be allowed to go out and have fun rather than be stuck in here on suicide watch? The sound of a door opening brought my attention to my teacher. Mr Schuester smiled slightly at me as he came to sit beside me.

"You didn't talk."

"How do you know? Isn't our time meant to be confidential?" I said incredulously.

"It was a guess actually. Mike didn't say anything to me," Mr Schue smirked knowingly, "I know you Casey; you probably just let him talk to himself."

"Well that is a very accurate statement," I muttered. He just laughed; but his expression soon turned serious.

"You're gonna have to talk to him you know," He told me.

"Why?" I asked annoyed.

"Because it'll make you feel better to talk about your problems and work things out. And you need to talk to Mike and your psychiatrist as they are the people who will deem you fit to be released. If they don't think you're gonna be well enough mentally, or are still a danger to yourself, they won't let you out. And when you attempt suicide Casey you need to have help."

"Yeah sure, I might talk a little." I grumbled, but I knew he was right. Mr Schuester smiled at me before turning on the TV for background noise. I frowned, "Sir?" I began.

"Casey, while we aren't at school just call me Will. I mean, we are going to be living together." Will said kindly.

"Okay then, Will... will the school have to know about this- me going to hospital and stuff?"

"They won't need to know the intricate details. But they will have to be informed from now on as a precaution... in case anything happens in school." He said softly.

"All the other kids are gonna know anyway." I murmured dejectedly.

"What do you mean?" Will frowned. I gave him a look that said 'isn't it obvious?' But he was expecting a verbal answer so I said:

"Well I am going to be walking around with a bloody great big cut on my neck." I raised an eyebrow and he sighed and ran his hand through his curly hair.

"Unfortunately..." he started, "There isn't anything you can do about that..."

"Oh well, it'll just give Karofsky and his goons more of a reason to take the piss out of me and my 'emo-ism.'" I said nonchalantly, "To be honest I really don't care. Screw them. But when am I going back to school?"

"You'll hopefully be discharged Monday afternoon... so Tuesday you go back." He said thinking. "I'm not going in Monday, well actually, if it's okay with you, I'd like to go in for a morning Glee club, but then come back after a couple of hours."

"That's fine by me," I tugged one corner of my mouth up in a weak smile. Mr Schuester sighed heavily while looking at me.

"Actually Casey... I was kind of hoping to warn them about what has happened," He paused, gauging my reaction, "I want them to know so that they won't be shocked and say something they may regret about it when they see it. That way they are prepared. And it lets them know that you may not be exactly happy or energetic."

"Do you have to?"

"No, I don't have to if you don't want me to," He said gently, "But I thought it would be a good idea so everyone can benefit from it."

"Okay then... tell them." I paused, "But not about the eating disorder stuff. You can mention the self harm and suicide I guess... they can know as little as possible." I bit my lip, instantly regretting what I said even though I knew it had to be done.

Another day came and went, Sunday rolled around with just as much excitement as the previous day. Once again, I had to see Mike and we actually had a conversation- much to both of our surprise. But I could tell he was pleased with the progress- even if it was baby steps. Although I didn't talk a huge amount, I did start to tell him about living on my own. He attempted to get me to talk about my parents, but I just broke down so we changed the subject hastily- as Mike could probably see that I really didn't want to talk about that.

"Deep down, I didn't like living on my own. It was ideal, no-one to disturb me, or have control over what I do or eat. But it was lonely, and empty I guess." I told him.

"You never thought about telling the truth and getting a new home?" Mike asked gently.

"No. I didn't want a new family. I felt like I would be replacing my parents... and I couldn't do that."

"Wasn't it hard?"

"Yeah I guess. But my family left behind a hell of alot of money, so there wasn't any difficulty financially. But being on my own with no support whatsoever was the hardest part." I paused, thinking, "And grieving on my own every day, trapped in my thoughts was hard. I guess... self harm turned out to be my only company." I was surprised myself at what I had just said. I had never really thought about it much before, and I never intended on letting out this much, but Mike seemed pleased with our progress nonetheless.

"Well, that's a big step so far Casey," Mike started, "But we are almost out of time, so how about we continue this tomorrow?"

"Yeah okay," I nodded.

"Is there anything you want to ask or say?"

"No... Not really." I shrugged, unsure of what I was supposed to even ask or say.

"Okay, good work today Casey, and I'll see you tomorrow," Mike said.

"See ya," I murmured as I watched him go out of the room.

Never before did counselling appeal to me, but it was quite interesting even if I didn't always want to think or look that deeply into things. But the question that lingered in my head was: do I want to carry on like this? Do I want to live my life depressed every day, having no help at all to combat my problems? The answer was no. And although I was not planning on giving cutting up; I could at least give counselling a go couldn't I? I mean, there was no harm in trying.


	22. Chapter 21

**Author's note- I'm sorry I haven't updated in ages, but I've been having problems of my own to deal with lately and fanfiction has been the last thing on my mind. But I will try and update as much as I can, so thank you for being patient! This chapter will only be a short one though as it is more of a filler...**

**Disclaimer- I do not own anything apart from my piping hot coffee. Are you jealous of my coffee eh? Are you jellie? Hah! Good! My coffee is better than yours!**

Chapter 21

By Monday I looked and felt like a zombie. I had gotten absolutely no sleep, as each night I was torturously plagued by nightmares; recurring nightmares that seemed to haunt me. It had just been an awful night Sunday night. It started off as normal, I went to sleep just before ten as I was tired and managed to fall asleep quite quickly. Mr Schuester stayed with me until I was in the land of dreams and then went off to have a catch up chat with my psychiatrist. But that was the night I dreamed of my parents.

We were all in the car together, driving back home on a busy road when we came to an intersection. The lights had just turned red so dad had put on the brakes and we came to a standstill.

"Hey dad," I said trying to get his attention.

"Yeah Casey?" He turned to look at me slightly in the rear view mirror.

"I had alot of fun this weekend," I told him.

"I did too," he agreed.

"Yes," Mum said, "It was certainly lovely to get out of the house and to have lots of beautiful sunshine as well!"

"Dad, the lights are green," I informed him as they suddenly changed. He nodded and began to drive across the intersection when out of nowhere the sound of a loud car horn blasted my ear drums. My mum screamed, I turned to look what she was screaming at and I felt my heart literally drop. The lorry had lost all control as it went through a red light and headed straight for us. A moment later a massive crash sounded. Then darkness. My eyes blurred as I saw the mangled figures of my parents. Dead. Broken.

That was when I woke up and completely flipped out. I don't even know what happened, I just went mental. I woke up screaming and crying, feeling like absolute crap and wanting to cut. The urge to cut was so bad, I wasn't able to do it in the hospital and I was just about going crazy. I jumped out of bed and went in search for something sharp. Psychiatric nurses rushed in to take me back to bed once they heard the screaming. And to cut a long story short, I flipped out on them and had to be restrained and sedated. Such fun.

But at least I woke up better later on. Mr Schuester had been informed of what had happened and was still apprehensive to leave me while he went to Glee club, but I reassured him that I'd be fine. But after that moment last night, I kind of doubted that I would be let out today now... The psychiatric nurses kept checking up on me, and I half expected them to put me in a white straight jacket- but they were actually really nice.

Mr Schuester had just walked back in and grabbed his coat when he said:

"Right Casey, I've got to head off to Glee now. But I'll be back later okay? You're going to be alright?"

"Yeah Will, I'm going to be fine." I told him for the hundredth time- but he still didn't look convinced. So I said: "I'm going to be checked on by the nurses' loads, and I'm seeing Mike in a bit so I'm gonna be looked after."

"Okay then," he sighed, Will sat on my bed and gave me a tentative hug, "I'll see you in a bit."

"See ya," I said, watching him exit the room.

Not a moment later, a nurse walked in with my medicine. I narrowed my eyes when I saw the food as well. At least the nurse was my favourite one.

"Hey there Casey," she greeted me.

"Hey Carrie," I smiled a little. She set the food in front of me. It contained a small bag of fresh fruit, and a couple of breakfast biscuits. I wrinkled my nose in disgust- I didn't mind eating those foods, but I hated eating breakfast. I always have done. But since I had a supposed eating disorder, I had to be supervised while I ate three meals a day. Luckily though, they were very small meals to get me used to it, and I wasn't allowed to throw it up. But sometimes I couldn't even manage the small meals they gave me. If I was forced to eat more, I would sometimes throw up from eating too much more than my body can take.

"Why don't you eat a bit first and then take your tablets eh?" Carrie suggested.

"You know I hate eating breakfast, and that it has nothing to do with whatever eating disorder you lot say I have."

"I know Casey, but the hospital says you have to eat." She told me kindly. Sighing heavily, I opened the bag of fruit, and ate some apples and grapes. Reaching for my water, I took my anti-depressants in one gulp.

"I don't want anything else," I said. In all honesty, I was now feeling a little ill, and eating was really unappealing right now.

"Try to eat a little of the breakfast biscuits," Carrie said encouragingly. I shot her a glare- to which she returned a smile. I did end up nibbling a little on the biscuits, but I couldn't force down anymore.

"Well you did your best," Carrie told me.

"Yeah, yeah," I shrugged.

And for the first time that day, I was left in peace as I counted down the minutes until I had to see Mike my counsellor.


	23. Chapter 22

**Author's note- My sincerest apologies for not updating. Truth be told I have lost an awful lot of motivation for this story, and have instead taken to writing Sherlock fan fictions. I'll attempt to keep updating this, but updates shall not be as often I'm afraid. Massive thank you to those who have favourite/followed and reviewed this; please continue to do so.**

**Also, I just found out that one of my 'friends' has been 'slagging' off my fan fiction. So please say if you don't like it. Thanks for all of your support guys!**

**Disclaimer- You know I own nothing.**

Chapter 22

It was getting toward midday when I knocked on Mike's office door. Yes, I surprised myself and him by actually getting out of my room and going to his office. I had to be supervised of course on the way there, in case I ran off and tried to hurt myself, but it felt nice to get out of that bloody hospital room. A change of scenery and a little walk was nice, but under the circumstances I really wanted nothing more than to get out of this hell hole. This place wasn't doing me any good keeping me locked up, and I frequently had to remind the staff of that fact- not that they bothered to listen. Their usual response was to chuckle good naturedly and to tell me that it wasn't for long.

I'm pretty sure I was beginning to go crazy; and this was probably evident to Mike. I needed to cut so badly, so, so badly. But I couldn't. The fucking hospital wouldn't let me. Didn't they realise what it was doing to me? Quite a bit throughout the counselling session I found myself scratching at old cuts, or digging my nails into my hands, or tapping with my fingers. Anything that would be a distraction for me. Of course, Mike observed this and ended up mentioning it.

"Should we talk about the self harm?"

"Why?" I snapped, agitated. Self harm was the only thing on my mind nowadays, and the fact that I couldn't give in to temptation was killing me. Mike nodded towards my hands, which were currently tapping out an irregular rhythm on the desk that separated us. "I need it."

"Need it?" He repeated, "In what way?"

"I just need it Mike."

"Would you say you control it?" He asked.

"Of course, I'm the one that does it." I replied, a tad confused at the question.

"I meant, does it control you; does it take over your life? In other words, would you say it's become a bit of an addiction?" Mike queried.

"Uh..." I was at a loss for words, processing what he had just said. "I wouldn't say it's an addiction..." I frowned, thinking, "But then again, I guess it almost is."

"What are your thoughts behind that?" He asked one of those typical counsellor questions.

"Well, I feel like sometimes I need to do it. I may not even have a reason to do it. I just feel like I need to. It's tough to explain. I may get an urge to do it, and if I don't cut, then that urge just gets worse and worse. And I end up biting myself to get rid of it- but it's no good. It won't go. So I just don't bother trying to resist anymore. I can't resist." I hesitated, shocked at how much I had just said, "But I do need it." I ran a hand through my hair.

"Do you want to do it though?" Mike seemed pleased with the progress of our conversation. Now he was really making me think. Was counselling always hard work? I turned my gaze to a rather nice looking pot plant for I could no longer hold Mike's gentle gaze. Sighing as I thought out my answer, I stretched and said:

"In a way yes, but in a way no." I frowned at the impreciseness of my response, so I decided to elaborate, "I do, because it helps, it really does. It's somewhat of a distraction for me, a way to escape from everything and to finally control the pain I'm feeling. But then after I've done it I think of the scars they may leave behind. I don't want them for the rest of my life. I really don't. But that thought is always secondary to the need and want of doing it." I finally tore my gaze away from the green plant to look back at him. He nodded as he processed what I had just revealed to him.

"And that small bit of doubt isn't enough to reduce it, if not stop?"

"No," I sighed heavily as I rubbed my tired eyes, "Because it's just a small doubt. So miniscule it's of very little importance. I wouldn't say it's enough to warrant a reduction- not that I want it to warrant a reduction." I bit my lip. But then before Mike could ask any more questions I said: "When can I leave this place? I thought I was going to leave today."

"Yes well..." Mike hesitated, unsure how to say it, "Well I'm not sure that will happen now." His voice was calm.

"Why won't it?" I suddenly snapped, anger beginning to build inside of me.

"Well, it all depends on what the doctor thinks. They've spoken to me, and your psychiatric doctor and the nurses to see how you're progressing. But I hear you had a bit of a disturbed night last night." Mike paused, "Shall we talk about that?"

"You already know what happened, so why do we need to talk?"

"So you can talk about it, and say what it is that's upsetting you. Then maybe we can find an alternative to having to be restrained before you cut yourself." Mike had a small sparkle in his eye; he knew exactly what happened last night. I glared at him.

"They wouldn't let me cut. I needed to. But they said I couldn't." I huffed, annoyed. "Why did they have to sedate me?" I asked, as that answer was never really told to me.

"Because they considered you to be a danger to yourself and possibly to the staff here." Mike told me honestly and gently.

"I wasn't going to hurt anyone," I frowned; saddened that they would think I'd do such a thing.

"You could have Casey; you were pretty out of it last night from what I heard."

"Shit." I said, not knowing what else I could say. Mike smiled.

"We have ten minutes left. What do you want to talk about?"

"I dunno," I shrugged. "To be honest, I just want to leave the hospital." We sat in silence for a moment, "Will I still have to see you when I do leave?"

"Depends," Mike started, "Would you want to carry on seeing me?"

"Why would it depend on me?" I queried, "Wouldn't the hospital say I need it?"

"Yeah, they would. But it doesn't have to be me you see, you could see one outside of the hospital if you prefer. Whatever you are comfortable with. But you will need to see a counsellor for a bit." He informed me.

"Well in that case, I'd rather see you. After all, I don't want to have to start talking to someone new."

"How much would you say you trust me Casey? Out of ten?"

"Umm..." I was a tad confused at the random question, "Perhaps... a three for now?"

"That's good, we can work on that." Mike looked thoughtful. I turned to glance at the clock on the wall, seeing that our time was up, he followed my gaze and laughed, "You're free to get out of this office now." It was slightly early but neither of us minded.

"Great, thanks, see you." I smiled very slightly as I stood up.

Once I shut the wooden door behind me, I looked around and noted the fact that no-one was actually around. I grinned to myself, I was on my own. Finally! I hated having to walk around with a nurse on my tail; it got extremely dull after a day or so. Trying to remember where my room was, I started to roam the floor, avoiding nurses in my wandering to cure some boredom. I'd soon found where my room was, but for now I couldn't be bothered to stay there. Enjoying my new found freedom, I walked past my room and headed straight out of the ward in the general direction of what I hoped to be the exit.


	24. Chapter 23

**Author's note- sorry for not updating. But a massive thank you to all my amazing reviewers! Did you know that we have 7067 views on this story? I can't believe it! But this chapter is for the anon who reviewed the last chapter, wanting the glee kids to find out. Thanks for the review, and I hope you guys like the chapter!**

**Disclaimer- Nothing is mine apart from my coffee (which I now have with milk if you are interested.)**

Chapter 23 (Will Schuester's P.O.V)

As much as I hated to leave Casey like this, I knew I had to. After all, I had to have a chat with the kids in Glee- not for my benefit of course; for Casey's benefit. I suppose I wanted to warn them. Casey's been through enough as it is these past few days- scratch that, these past few months, - without needing extra hassle at school. The bullying by Karofsky and those goons probably wouldn't stop (I wouldn't talk to them) but I would make sure that the Glee kids gave her no grief whatsoever, even if it killed me to do so.

I couldn't see her hurt.

Santana would be the one I had to watch out for, but I prayed that she may be the bigger person and change her attitude towards Casey. Mind you, earlier in the week she had called Casey an emo when she didn't turn up for glee, and then went on to wonder whether or not she self harms- so perhaps she already has a rough idea. Not that it didn't stop her from being mean last time.

Casey was bad enough as it is, if she got teased anymore or bullied, then chances are that she will get worse. It hurt to think of everything she was going through.

The glee club was already full up by the time I entered the room, and they all turned to me with bright smiling faces, unaware of the pain the weekend held for their friend.

"Hey guys," I greeted perhaps a little too unenthusiastically. I glanced at the whiteboard and acknowledged their greetings. "Darn, I forgot about the assignment." I muttered as I read the word 'Anthems.'

"I don't think any of us have really come up with anything anyway," Rachel spoke up, "Casey hasn't even met us to rehearse, and by the sounds of it, no-one else could be bothered."

"Uh, right," I sighed, "Well shall we prepare them this week and perform them next week?"

"That sounds good Mr Schue," Mercedes agreed. I attempted a smile and dragged over a chair to the middle of the room and sat on it, facing the students.

"Today, we aren't going to be doing any work or singing," I started.

"Why?" Rachel exclaimed, "That is what Glee club is for!"

"No, no," I said loudly in an attempt to be heard above the babble, "Quiet down!" Running a hand over my face I started again. "I need to have a chat with you all... Uh, as you may have noticed, Casey isn't here at the moment..."

"Yeah, where is emo freak?" Santana piped up in her usual bitchy way.

"Right Santana, for starters you are gonna stop calling her that okay?" She mumbled some sort of reply so I just carried on, "I'm really not sure how to say any of this. But I presume you all have your own opinions and suspicions of her. Well... Casey is currently in the hospital, due to be release either tonight or tomorrow."

"What? Why?" Finn asked.

"Why is she in the hospital?" Quinn queried.

"She... uh, well." I winced at my stammering. But I decided that I may as well just say it, "She attempted suicide the other day." There was silence. Pure silence. In a way it was torture. But no one knew what to say.

"Are you serious?" Kurt asked, looking devastated.

"I am." I told him.

"Why?" Blaine whispered as he shook his head in disbelief.

"It's uh... kind of a long story." I wasn't really sure why she did it. Well I was, I did know how much she was dealing with, but I didn't know what pushed her to attempt suicide.

"We're willing to listen," Mercedes said, shock evident in her usually outgoing voice.

For quite a while I proceeded to tell them Casey's story. It wasn't really my story to tell, but I doubted that Casey would want to tell it. Once again, they were silent as they digested what I said, occasionally they may say something, or whisper to a friend, but for the most part they just listened. I told them about the self harm- at which Santana smirked, but she quickly covered it. I told them a little about her parents. And I told them what to expect when they next saw her. Casey had a fairly large cut on her neck, so I needed to warn them so they wouldn't be too shocked. But even at the mention of it, they were surprised... perhaps even a little horrified at the severity of her problems.

Once I finished, they still didn't seem to know what to say. Kurt and Blaine had tears in their eyes that slowly trickled down their cheeks. And a few of the girls looked on the brink of crying too. I hadn't expected this reaction. But much to my dismay, Santana was the first to speak up. And what she had to say made the kids gasp, and made me much more angrier than I had ever been with any of my students.

**Author's note- I'm sorry it's so short, and I'm sorry it's not that good. But- as previously mentioned- I've lost a lot of motivation for this story. But hey-ho!**


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